COLUMBUS MEETS JACK SPARROW -- An Encore Presentation

And the winners are:
Christopher Columbus - Antonio Banderas (33%)
Jack Sparrow - Johnny Depp (73%)
Davey Jones - Tie between Peter Lorre & Lon Chaney (28%)
Teacher - Reese Witherspoon (35%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS. SANTA MARIA - DAY

In his quarters, CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS furiously makes notes after studying compass readings and maps. His PILOT, Sancho, enters.

SANCHO
You are needed on deck, Capitain.

COLUMBUS
What is it?

SANCHO
A ship is on the horizon.

EXT. DECK. SANTA MARIA - DAY

Studying the ship's black hull and sails,

COLUMBUS
It's Sparrow.

SANCHO
Here? Should we stand ready for battle?

COLUMBUS
No. We'll negotiate.

As the Santa Maria and the Black Pearl grow within hearing distance of each other,

COLUMBUS
What brings you to these parts, Sparrow?

SPARROW
The same as you, Columbus. Spices, silk,
a short cut to the Indies.

The ships are now parallel; Columbus and Sparrow face-to-face.

COLUMBUS
You'll never find it, Sparrow.

SPARROW
No?

Columbus remains steadfast as Sparrow gestures to his pilot who disappears, then
reappears moments later with ISLAND NATIVES and a chest of booty.

COLUMBUS
Where did you find them?

SPARROW
That is for me to know and for you
to find out.

COLUMBUS
Buffoon.

SPARROW
Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Sparrow jumps onto a mast, then down to the steering wheel, speeding ahead.

COLUMBUS
(to Sancho)
Remain on course.

When land is sighted, Columbus' CREW notices a fiery glow and billowing smoke; the Black Pearl uneasy in the water.

COLUMBUS
Get ready to dock.

EXT. ISLAND - NIGHT

The Santa Maria rests adjacent to the Black Pearl. As its crew climbs down, Sparrow and his men are eating fish on leaves, fraternizing with the Natives, and worse for drink.

Columbus steps up to Sparrow who salutes him.

COLUMBUS
Let's get back onboard, Sancho.

Sparrow fumbles to his feet, ordering his men.

SPARROW
Get up you bungling idiots!

The Black Pearl remains on Santa Maria's hull. When Columbus sights land, he jumps overboard, swims to shore, then collapses.

As Sparrow is about to do the same, DAVY JONES emerges from the water.

SPARROW
Not now, Davy.

DAVY
We have lots to talk about, Sparrow.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

A TEACHER stands before a classroom of engrossed ten-year olds.

TEACHER
So children, without Davy Jones' help, Columbus
may not have discovered the Caribbean Islands.

A GIRL raises her hand.

TEACHER
Yes, Jane.

JANE
(sobbing)
But what happened to Johnny Depp?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Rerun of Z is for Zorro? - thru March 2 (My Apology - Playing Catch-Up!)

And the winners are:
Zorro - Antonio Banderas (37%)
Lolita - Three-way tie between:
Catherine-Zeta Jones (25%)
Uma Thurman (25%)
Penelope Cruz (25%)
Fray Felipe - Paul Giamatti (57%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. VILLAGE. 1820's LOS ANGELES - DAY

A crowd of PEONS watch SOLDIERS posting a DEAD OR ALIVE Bulletin for the capture of Zorro. Suddenly, a galloping horse flies into the crowd. ZORRO marks his signature Z into the side of the building. Galloping from the opposite direction, another Zorro appears, carving a Z adjacent to the first.

Perplexed, peons and soldiers surround the dismounted Zorros who study one another suspiciously, hands on the hilt of their swords.

Zorro
En garde!

The two dual like devils; each lunging, retreating, circling, lunging, retreating, interminably. Peons are taking a siesta; soldiers are resting against the side of the building; the two Zorros clinging to one another in exhaustion.

FRAY FELIPE appears. As Zorro turns to him, his hat falls releasing locks of long, glistening hair; perspiration clinging to and outlining a sultry, feminine body.

Zorro
Lolita?

Lolita drops her sword then sensually straightens her hair.

LOLITA
Ah, exhilerating!
(amused)
Not Lolita, but Z!

Peons stir; soldiers scratch their heads. Smiling seductively, she steps closely towards Zorro. She caresses his face then rips off his mask, revealing Zorro's true identity.

FRAY FELIPE
Diego?

LOLITA
Yes, it is Diego!

DIEGO
Why Lolita? Why would you do this to me?

LOLITA
Because I'm the true Zorro! Tell them!

Diego studies the questioning crowd.

DIEGO
(with bowed head)
Yes. It is true.

LOLITA
Ha ha ha! No one can defeat Z!

Another Zorro appears, gallops passed Lolita, and scoops her up onto his horse. They disappear into the sunset.

DIEGO
Z is for Zorro?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/