Take Me Out To the Ball Game - An Encore Presentation (Based upon when I snuck into Yankee Stadium, 1976)

And the winners are:
Marge - six way tie:
    Petra Michelle, Meryl Streep, Judi Dench,
    Jennifer Aniston, Annette Bening, Other
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. MODEST HOME.1970's QUEENS, NEW YORK - DAY

A mature COUPLE are washing and putting the breakfast dishes away.

HUSBAND
Baseball season's finally here.

As he walks into the living room to turn on the television,

WIFE
(excitedly)
Why don't we go?

HUSBAND
Not today, Marge. This couch feels too good.
(patting her hand)
Another weekend.

As she faces him on the couch,

MARGE
It's such a beautiful day, Ralph.

Her face brightens up.

MARGE
Is it easy to find the stadium by train?

RALPH
The M train stops right there. Why?

Marge leaps up and disappears into the bedroom.

MARGE (OS)
I'm going.

RALPH
By yourself?

Putting on a light jacket when she returns,

MARGE
If I can survive the birth of three beautiful
children, I can manage a train to the Bronx.

RALPH
I don't know, Marge.

After pecking him on the cheek,

MARGE
I'll call when I get there.

EXT./INT. EL TRAIN STATION - DAY

Ecstatically inhaling the sunny April day, Marge climbs up the stairs to the platform of the station.

When the train arrives, she makes herself comfortable, knitting. At the changeover, she reconsiders, then shoves her knitting into its bag, rises, and joins the THRONGS onto the M train.

INT./EXT. M TRAIN - DAY

Crowded as rush hour, Marge finds and grasps the pole in the center of the compartment, unsteady as the train. When the Stadium comes into view, the compartment quickly empties, she following the enthusiastic FANS down the stairs and onto the sidewalk.

EXT. STADIUM - DAY

Marge grins at the Stadium, then rushes to the box office and patiently waits her turn.

ATTENDANT
Next.

MARGE
One adult ticket please, young man.
Oh, and are there senior discounts?

ATTENDANT
Sorry, the game's sold out.

MARGE
But I've come all the way from Queens.

ATTENDANT
Next!

Disheartened, Marge slowly heads back towards the station. She observes a COUPLE with two CHILDREN waiting on line to enter the stadium.

Excusing herself ever so endearingly and politely to those she cuts in front of, she discreetly joins the family as they pass through the turnstile. She feels a tap on her shoulder.

TICKET COLLECTOR
Ticket, please.

MARGE
Oh, I'm with them.

INT. STADIUM - DAY

As he turns to "them," Marge runs into the heart of the stadium, blending in with the crowds. She begins to panic, watching for security, or worse yet, the police.
Rushing to the telephones, she fumbles for her change purse. She finds, then drops her change. Hands trembling, she picks up the coins and manages to dial.

MARGE
Hurry, Ralph!

RALPH (OS)
Hello?

MARGE
Ralph, I'm going to jail!

RALPH (OS)
What?

MARGE
(glancing around)
They're looking for me now!

RALPH (OS)
What are you talking about?

MARGE
I snuck into Yankee Stadium!

RALPH (OS)
Wail til the boys hear about this!

MARGE
Oh no!

RALPH (OS)
Relax, Marge. Find a seat and enjoy the game.

MARGE
Relax? Enjoy?

RALPH (OS)
Trust me. You're in now. No one is going to bother you.
I'll order some Chinese to celebrate.

Disbelievingly, she peers at the DIAL TONE. She cautiously follows the fans as they make their way to the stands.

EXT. STANDS - DAY

Marge stops abruptly and shakes her head at the half-full stadium. She zooms in on available seats behind third base, buys a box of Cracker Jacks and a diet coke, then rushes to the unclaimed seat placing her snacks on it. She stands and CLAPS when the teams take to the field.

At the tap on her shoulder, she freezes. From the corner of her eye, she notices handcuffs in an outstretched hand.

FAN
You dropped your Cracker Jack's prize, Ma'am.

LAUGHING with relief, she manages a...

MARGE
Thank you, dear.

...and enjoys the ball game, with only an occasional glance over her shoulder.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle (4/5/09)**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

 

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME - An encore presentation

And the winners are:
Marge - Betty White (66%)
Ralph - Carroll O'Connor (66%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. MODEST HOME.1970's QUEENS, NEW YORK - DAY

A mature COUPLE are washing and putting the breakfast dishes away.

HUSBAND
Baseball season's finally here.

As he walks into the living room to turn on the television,

WIFE
(excitedly)
Why don't we go?

HUSBAND
Not today, Marge. This couch feels too good.
(patting her hand)
Another weekend.

As she faces him on the couch,

MARGE
It's such a beautiful day, Ralph.

Her face brightens up.

MARGE
Is it easy to find the stadium by train?

RALPH
The M train stops right there. Why?

Marge leaps up and disappears into the bedroom.

MARGE (OS)
I'm going.

RALPH
By yourself?

Putting on a light jacket when she returns,

MARGE
If I can survive the birth of three beautiful
children, I can manage a train to the Bronx.

RALPH
I don't know, Marge.

After pecking him on the cheek,

MARGE
I'll call when I get there.

EXT./INT. EL TRAIN STATION - DAY

Ecstatically inhaling the sunny April day, Marge climbs up the stairs to the platform of the station.

When the train arrives, she makes herself comfortable, knitting. At the changeover, she reconsiders, then shoves her knitting into its bag, rises, and joins the THRONGS onto the M train.

INT./EXT. M TRAIN - DAY

Crowded as rush hour, Marge finds and grasps the pole in the center of the compartment, unsteady as the train. When the Stadium comes into view, the compartment quickly empties, she following the enthusiastic FANS down the stairs and onto the sidewalk.

EXT. STADIUM - DAY

Marge grins at the Stadium, then rushes to the box office and patiently waits her turn.

ATTENDANT
Next.

MARGE
One adult ticket please, young man.
Oh, and are there senior discounts?

ATTENDANT
Sorry, the game's sold out.

MARGE
But I've come all the way from Queens.

ATTENDANT
Next!

Disheartened, Marge slowly heads back towards the station. She observes a COUPLE with two CHILDREN waiting on line to enter the stadium.

Excusing herself ever so endearingly and politely to those she cuts in front of, she discreetly joins the family as they pass through the turnstile. She feels a tap on her shoulder.

TICKET COLLECTOR
Ticket, please.

MARGE
Oh, I'm with them.

INT. STADIUM - DAY

As he turns to "them," Marge runs into the heart of the stadium, blending in with the crowds. She begins to panic, watching for security, or worse yet, the police.
Rushing to the telephones, she fumbles for her change purse. She finds, then drops her change. Hands trembling, she picks up the coins and manages to dial.

MARGE
Hurry, Ralph!

RALPH (OS)
Hello?

MARGE
Ralph, I'm going to jail!

RALPH (OS)
What?

MARGE
(glancing around)
They're looking for me now!

RALPH (OS)
What are you talking about?

MARGE
I snuck into Yankee Stadium!

RALPH (OS)
Wail til the boys hear about this!

MARGE
Oh no!

RALPH (OS)
Relax, Marge. Find a seat and enjoy the game.

MARGE
Relax? Enjoy?

RALPH (OS)
Trust me. You're in now. No one is going to bother you.
I'll order some Chinese to celebrate.

Disbelievingly, she peers at the DIAL TONE. She cautiously follows the fans as they make their way to the stands.

EXT. STANDS - DAY

Marge stops abruptly and shakes her head at the half-full stadium. She zooms in on available seats behind third base, buys a box of Cracker Jacks and a diet coke, then rushes to the unclaimed seat placing her snacks on it. She stands and CLAPS when the teams take to the field.

At the tap on her shoulder, she freezes. From the corner of her eye, she notices handcuffs in an outstretched hand.

FAN
You dropped your Cracker Jack's prize, Ma'am.

LAUGHING with relief, she manages a...

MARGE
Thank you, dear.

...and enjoys the ball game, with only an occasional glance over her shoulder.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

RUNNING ON RESOLUTIONS - An encore presentation

And the winners are:
NICK - Toni Randall (40%)
AL - Jack Klugman (40%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. RUNNERS' PATH. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

Two MEN are jogging together in Central Park on a freezing January morning.

AL
I should have my head examined for letting
you talk me into running this morning.

NICK
And break last year's resolution? You lost
how many pounds? Five? I lost at least ten.

And since I stopped smoking the year before,
my doctor says my lungs are clean as a whistle.

And when I started eating a low-fat diet the
year before that, my cholesterol is as low as
my low-rise underwear.

And since I promised to help around the
house, my wife is one happy camper,
especially in the bedroom.

Al rolls his eyes.

NICK
And how about the year we started our
business. I vowed I'd stop complaining
about your three-hour lunches, and
your endless long-distance calls, and
your so-called business write-offs...
more like expensive gifts to Liz,
Sandra, Connie, and God only knows
who else.

AL
Have you decided on this year's
resolution yet?

NICK
You know me. If I can't keep it, I won't
make it. Why? You have any ideas?

AL
Yeah. A vow of silence.

Their VOICES fade out...

NICK
You know I can't do that. How else can
I tell you what's on my mind.

AL
What's left of it.

...as they disappear out of view.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE PHANTOM - An Encore Presentation

And the winners are:
Bondie - Clint Eastwood (55%)
Tuco - Lee Van Cleef (33%)
Skeleton's V/O - Jack Nicholson (44%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. SAD HILL CEMETARY. LATE 1860's - NIGHT

BLONDIE, a subdued bounty hunter, and his partner, TUCO, have been riding for hours in search of gold purportedly buried at Sad Hill Cemetary.

Visibility is blinding in the storm-ridden night; clouds weighing heavily under the stars and over their heads.

BLONDIE
Here's as good as any to set up camp.

They dismount and gather their sleeping gear from the rear of their horses. Tuco spreads their blankets while Blondie builds the fire. As it grows, it illuminates an encircled cemetary just a few hundred feet away. Tuco's eyes widen at the sight. He grows uncomfortable.

TUCO
Did you hear that?

BLONDIE
Hear what?

TUCO
Listen.

Blondie stops stirring the pan of beans. Nothing.

BLONDIE
(irritated)
Get the bread.

Tuco reaches for his pack, then hears a MOAN.

TUCO
You didn't hear that?

BLONDIE
You're gettin' on my nerves. Go on, eat.

Bolts of lightening flash across the sky causing Tuco more uneasiness as he reaches for his gun.

BLONDIE
If you don't cut it out, I'll slug you one.

Tuco glares at Blondie, then stands, squinting into the fog. He takes a few steps; disappears. Blondie quickly rises, drawing his gun.

BLONDIE
I said, cut it out.
(silence)
I ain't kiddin'.

It begins to pour.

PHANTOM
He ain't comin' back.

Blondie turns in every direction, gun cocked.

BLONDIE
Who's there?

PHANTOM
Your reward.

BLONDIE
Reward?

PHANTOM
I'll give you three clues.

Blondie steps cautiously to his horse as the Phantom's voice grows louder, nearer.

PHANTOM
One. My first name is Arch.
Two. My last name is Stanton.
Three...

Solving the riddle in a flash,

BLONDIE
Where's the gold?

Face-to-face with the skeleton of Arch Stanton,

SKELETON
(laughing maniacally)
There ain't no gold.

As he retreats,

BLONDIE
What do you want?

SKELETON
(seriously)
A part.

BLONDIE
A part?

SKELETON
(grimaces)
I always wanted to be an actor.

As it throws its arm around Blondie's shoulder,

SKELETON
You think Clint's got anything for me?

FADE TO BLACK

Happy Halloween!

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME

And the winners are:
Marge - Tie between Lucille Ball & Goldie Hawn (37%)
Ralph - Desi Arnaz (37%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. HOME. Mid-1970's QUEENS, NEW YORK - DAY

A MARRIED COUPLE are washing and putting the breakfast dishes away. RALPH walks into the living room and turns on the television.

RALPH
I wonder who the Yankees are playing today?

HIS WIFE
(enthusiastically)
Why don't we go?

RALPH
I want to relax today, Marge. Another weekend.

As she faces him on the couch,

MARGE
But it's such a beautiful day.

Her faces brightens up.

MARGE
Is it easy to get to the stadium by train?

RALPH
The M train stops right there. Why?

Marge leaps up and disappears into the bedroom.

MARGE (OS)
I'm going.

RALPH
By yourself?

Putting on a light jacket when she returns,

MARGE
If I can survive the birth of three kids, I
can manage the train to the Bronx.

RALPH
I don't know, Marge.

After pecking him on the cheek,

MARGE
I'll call when I get there.

EXT./INT. SUBWAY STATION - DAY

Ecstatically inhaling the sunny spring day, Marge climbs up the stairs to the platform of the station.

CUT TO:

Sitting, she makes herself comfortable pulling a novel from her purse. At the changeover, she reconsiders, but quickly shoves the novel in her purse, rises, and joins the throngs who are shoving her onto the M train.

INT. M TRAIN - DAY

Crowded as rush hour, Marge finds and grasps the pole in the center of the compartment, unsteady as the train. When the stadium comes into view, most of the compartment empties, she following, down the stairs and onto the sidewalk.

EXT. STADIUM - DAY

Excitedly, Marge rushes to the Box Office and waits patiently for her turn.

MARGE
One adult ticket, please. Oh, is there
a senior discount?

BOX OFFICE ATTENDANT
Sorry. The game's sold out.

MARGE
I came all the way from Queens!

ATTENDANT
Next!

Disheartened, Marge slowly heads back towards the station. She abruptly stops and turns around. She observes a COUPLE with two CHILDREN waiting on line to enter the stadium.

Excusing herself ever so endearingly and politely to those she cuts in front of, she discreetly joins the family as they pass through the turnstile. She feels a tap on her shoulder.

TICKET COLLECTOR
Ticket, please.

MARGE
I'm with them.

Distracted by his co-worker, Marge runs into the stadium, blending in with the crowds. She begins to panic and searches for the telephones. Paranoid, she watches for security, or worse yet, the police. She fumbles for her wallet. She finds, then drops her change. Hands trembling, she picks up the coins and attempts to dial.

MARGE
C'mon Ralph.

RALPH (OS)
Hello?

MARGE
(panicking)
Ralph...Ralph!

RALPH (OS)
What's wrong?

MARGE
Ralph, I'm going to jail!

RALPH (OS)
What?

MARGE
(glancing around)
They're looking for me now!

RALPH (OS)
Slow down. What are you talking about?

MARGE
I snuck into Yankee Stadium.

RALPH (OS)
All right! Wait till I tell the boys!

MARGE
(taken aback)
Are you crazy?

RALPH (OS)
Relax. Find a seat and enjoy the game.

MARGE
Relax? Enjoy?

RALPH (OS)
Trust me. You're in now. No one is going to
bother you.

MARGE
When I get out of jail, we'll share notes.

RALPH (OS)
I'll order Chinese to celebrate.

Disbelievingly, she peers at the end of the telephone when she hears a dial tone, then studies the crowd of excited FANS who are rushing to the stands.

EXT. STANDS - DAY

As Marge follows them, she abruptly stops in the half-full stadium. She shakes her head in disbelief and wonder, but zooms in on available seats behind third base.

MARGE
I'll be able to touch Greg Nettles.

After she buys a box of Cracker Jax and a diet coke, she rushes to the unclaimed seat, placing her snacks on it, while enthusiastically CLAPPING as the team takes to the field.

Suddenly, she feels a tap on her shoulder. She stops dead. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices handcuffs in an outstretched hand.

FAN
They must be your cracker jax prize.

LAUGHING uncontrollably, she manages a...

MARGE
Thank you, son.

...and enjoys the rest of the game with a glance over her shoulder every inning.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Running on Resolutions

And the winners are:
Jack Lemmon (30%) as Nick
Jack Black (30%) as Al
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. RUNNERS PATH. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

In Central Park, two middle-aged MEN are jogging together on a freezing January morning.

AL
I should have my head examined for letting
you talk me into running this morning.

NICK
And break last year's resolution! You lost
how many pounds? Five? I lost at least
ten.

And since I stopped smoking the year before,
my doctor says my lungs are clean as a
whistle.

And when I started eating a low-fat diet
the year before that, my cholesterol is
as low as my low-rise underwear.

And my wife is one happy camper since I
promised to help around the house, not
to mention in the bedroom.

Al rolls his eyes.

NICK
And how about the year we started our
business. I vowed I'd stop complaining
about your three-hour lunches, your
endless long-distance calls, your so-
called business write-offs. More like
expensive gifts to Liz, Sandra, Connie,
and God only knows who else.

AL
Have you decided on this year's resolution,
yet?

NICK
You know me. If I can't keep it, I won't
make it. Why? You have any ideas?

AL
Yeah. A vow of silence.

Their VOICES fade out...

NICK
You know I can't do that. How else can I share what's on
my mind.

AL
What's left of it.

...as they disappear out of view.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

The Glasses

And the winners are: Hugh Grant (36%) as Buddy; Penelope Cruz (33%) as Marianne; A tie between Paul Giamatti and Vince Vaughn (27% each) as Steve; Estelle Getty (40%) as the Mother; and John Travolta (45%) as Vinnie. Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. BROADWAY THEATER. MANHATTAN - DAY

Hurrying, two MEN leap out of a taxi and rush into a theater.

INT. THEATER - DAY

Minutes into the play, they're escorted in the darkness to their seats; second row orchestra. Excusing themselves past already seated spectators, they flop into their seats.

BUDDY
No!

STEVE
What?

BUDDY
I sat on my glasses.

STEVE
Smart. You're lucky we're close to the stage.

Buddy retrieves a sculpture of twisted frames. With help from the light from the stage, Buddy tries in vain to repair them.

Shaking his head, he shoves the disrepair back into his pocket and observes the blur of an audience. Squinting, his glance falls upon a beautiful woman sitting in the balcony. A bolt of lightening heightens his admiration for this lovely vision.

She turns towards him. Prudently, he waves to her; she returning his overtures with discreet smiles.

BUDDY
Isn't she beautiful?

Steve follows his trance.

STEVE
She's a knockout.

BUDDY
I'm going to introduce myself at intermission.

STEVE
She's with two other people. They could be her
grandmother and father...or husband.

Buddy pays no attention while riveted on his angel and her smiles.

Intermission arrives. Buddy glances up and notices his vision miming to meet her.

BUDDY
Hurry up!

They make their way through the throngs to the refreshments concession where he searches frantically. He feels a gentle tap on his shoulders, then turns to its source; a petite, ELDERLY WOMAN.

WOMAN
(sensually)
Ciao.

BUDDY
(casually)
Hello, ma'am.

Bashfully, the woman turns away, then smiles at him seductively. Buddy blinks at her, puzzled.

Humiliated, her face turns beet red as it contorts into rage. He withdraws at the unexpected transformation. Her SON steps between his mother and Buddy.

VINNIE
You pervert!

And socks him between the eyes causing Buddy to fall backwards onto the floor. The mother hits him continuously with her purse.

MOTHER
Gigolo!

Defending himself from the blows,

BUDDY
What'd I do?!

Suddenly, a young WOMAN appears admonishing Vinnie.

WOMAN
Stupido!

MOTHER
That man is a gigolo!

WOMAN
Mamma! It's an innocent misunderstanding.

MOTHER
Innocent my eye. Let's go, Vinnie.

The daughter leans over Buddy.

MOTHER
(authoritatively)
Marianne.

MARIANNE
I'll be there soon.

As Buddy sits up,

MARIANNE
Are you all right?

He stares at the lovely vision.

BUDDY
You're the woman in the balcony.

MARIANNE
I'm a nurse. Are you hurt?

BUDDY
(feeling his nose)
I don't think it's broken.
(rising)
I'll survive.

MARIANNE
Let's have a look. I don't live far from here.

BUDDY
Really? I mean, sure.

As he walks out of the theater with Marianne,

BUDDY
Today, I'm the l-l-luckiest m-m-man on the f-f-face
of the earth-th-th.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**
http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

A Rerun of EVE'S GOT MAIL - Through to 11/22 (My Apology: Still playing catch-up!)

FADE IN:

INT. DEN. HOME IN GARDEN OF EDEN - NIGHT

ADAM is reading the newspaper on the sofa while EVE types furiously away at the computer on the desk nearby.

ADAM
Are you still blogging?

EVE
I just have a few more comments to reply.

ADAM
I'm tired, Eve.

EVE
Why don't you go on ahead, my love.
I'll be there in a few minutes.

Adam neatly folds the newspaper and sets it on the end table. Rising,

ADAM
How about some warm milk?

EVE
That would be lovely.

Eve watches Adam disappear into the kitchen, then returns to the computer.

INSERT EXCHANGES BETWEEN EVE AND ABRA ON THE COMPUTER.

EVE
Abra, our relationship is in the Dead Sea!
It's been the same routine for hundreds of years.

ABRA
But, Eve, you're the most revered couple in history.
People worship you.

EVE
(flustered)
I don't want to be revered or worshipped. I just want
Adam to look at me the way he did the day God created us.
Is that too much to ask?

ABRA
All right, let me think.
Have you tried pasties?

EVE
Abra, I invented pasties. Fig leaves. Remember?

ABRA
True. I've got it. A love potion!

EVE
You've got to do better than that...

Eve stops, frozen, as Adam sets the glass of warm milk beside the computer. She manages to press the Escape key without him noticing, then turns to him.

EVE
Thank you, dear.

ADAM
So, all done?

EVE
Wha...? Oh, yes. Yes.

She picks up the glass of milk and sips. A message pops up on the computer screen.

ADAM
Are you feeling all right, Eve?

EVE
Yes, of course.
(laughs nervously)
Why wouldn't I?

ADAM
Because Abra just sent you a message to take Jasmine,
Neroli, Lavender, Myrtle, and Ylang Ylang. Then Tangerine,
Bergamot, and Blood Orange with Zdravetz, Sandalwood,
Nutmeg and Ginger wrapped in Vanilla, Cinnamon and
Cardamon.

Disbelievingly, Eve watches Adam's expression transform. He grins boyishly.

ADAM
Eve, my darling, my love...

Eve turns the computer off then turns to Adam, beaming. She leads him by the hand up the stairs. Under her breath,

EVE
(sighs)
God bless its pentium chip heart.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Going Commercial

And the winners are:
Bill - Ashtun Kutcher (33%)
Victoria - Cameron Diaz (53%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. LIVING ROOM. WISCONSIN HOME - DAY

Wearing a Green Bay Packers' jersey and a pair of jeans while watching television, a Packers' FAN anticipates the football game, swigging a bottle of Milwaukee's Best Light Beer.

BILL
Victoria! The game's about to start!

Just as his WIFE enters the living room, a commercial flashes on the television.

INSERT COMMERCIAL IN QUOTES: "Rembrandt, for a smile you can count on."

Without hesitation, Victoria rushes into the bathroom and brushes her teeth. Bill smiles.

"If it isn't Orville Redenbacher, it isn't popcorn."

She dashes into the kitchen in search of the popcorn maker, fills it to the brim with kernels, then plugs it in.

"Escape the smell of odor with Hefty's scented garbage bags."

At commercial speed, she discards the half-empty kitchen trash and replaces it with a fresh Hefty bag. Bill shakes his head.

The popcorn begins to pop.

"Bounty, the quicker, picker upper."

On cue, Victoria yanks a sheet of Bounty and cleans the kitchen sink.

"Kenmore, life running beautifully."

Just in time, she pulls out the vacuum cleaner as the popcorn maker's lid explodes off; popping corn pinging throughout the kitchen, covering the floor. But she abandons the kitchen to vacuum around Bill's feet. He looks up at her with a forced smile.

"Victoria's Secret Lingerie's sale starts tomorrow."

Bill runs his hand through his hair, as she disappears. He then swigs his beer, and relaxes. Minutes later, Victoria reappears wearing a black negligee. Seating her on his lap,

BILL
(grinning)
Honey, it's not going to work this time.

VICTORIA
No?

Bill shakes his head gently; Victoria sighing.

"Men should act like men, and light beer should taste like beer. Milwaukee's Best Light Beer."

Bill blinks at the bottle of Milwaukee Best Light Beer in his hand. Grabbing Victoria,

BILL
Here's Johnny!

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Happy Grooming

AND THE WINNERS ARE:
Judi Dench (50%)
Donald Sutherland (60%)
Thank you for voting!

EXT. ZOO - DAY

A senior MARRIED COUPLE is strolling past the Gorilla Exhibit. Two gorillas, sitting just behind the fence, are grooming each other.

GLENDA
Look, dear. I can almost touch them.
(smiling)
Aren't they sweet?

HENRY
Yes, but not as sweet as you, dear.

Henry begins to groom Glenda's hair and caresses her neck.

GLENDA
(shocked)
What are you doing?!

A ZOO KEEPER appears with the gorillas' lunch of cottage cheese, raspberries, and banana tree leaves.

GLENDA
That looks interesting.

HENRY
Mmm, but not as delicious as the cottage cheese, raspberries, and bananas you fed me this morning.

Henry returns to Glenda, grooming her, showering her with affections.

GLENDA
(pondering)
It really does work.

**written by petra michelle**

http://www.ifreelance.com/pro/43547
http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/