JACK AND JILL - Encore presentation

FADE IN:

EXT. FOOT OF HILL - DAY

JACK and JILL climbed up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown...
Lying on the grass, distorted images of trees beneath the sky come into view as Jack slowly opens his eyes.

JILL
Jack, can you hear me?

Gingerly touching his bruised head, Jack sits up.

JACK
What happened?

JILL
You broke your crown again.

JACK
My crown? I do not wear a crown.

Studying his clothing, then feeling his face,

JACK
Where's my mask? And my cape?

JILL
Mask? Cape? That was some fall, Jack.

JACK
Have we had the pleasure of meeting, Senorita?

JILL
Well, we've only climbed that hill fetching water
together for what seems like an eternity.

JACK
Fetch water? Me?

JILL
Jack...

JACK
And why do you insist on calling me Jack? I am
Don Juan deMarco.

JILL
Who?

As he stands upright,

JACK
The greatest lover in the world.

JILL
(rolling her eyes)
If we don't fetch the water, we'll be sacked. Not
now, of all times.

JACK
My dear Senorita. You must not fret.

JILL
It takes more than love to pay the bills.

JACK
So young and so cynical. Do not underestimate
the power of love. And, it just so happens--I am rich.

JILL
And where, prey tell, is the money?

JACK
On the other side of the hill.

JILL
Fine. Let's go.

Jack and Jill climbed up the hill to fetch deMarco's money. Jack fell down and broke his crown... Moaning, Jack lies in a stupor.

JILL
Jack?
(no answer)
Mr. deMarco?

JACK
Who?

JILL
James Bond.

JACK
No.

JILL
Robin Hood.

JACK
No.

Jill guides him over the hill by the hand. As they disappear,

JILL (OS)
The King of England.

JACK (OS)
Yes. Yes. Yes.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle, 3/21/09**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

FATHER OF THE BRIDE - An encore presentation

And the winners are:

Robert DeNiro as Albie (50%)
Tie between Myrna Loy & Meryl Streep as Mary (33%)
Tie between Kate Hudson & Emily Blunt as Christine (33%)
Matthew McConaughey as Rob (33%)

Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. HOME OFFICE - DAY

A MIDDLE-AGED MAN is on the telephone gleaning a sheet of paper.

MAN
(irate)
Hold on just a second.

He gathers up another sheet of paper.

MAN
(increasingly ired)
I'll call you back.
(bellows)
Mary!

His WIFE rushes in.

MARY
What is it? What's wrong, Albie?

ALBIE
What's this?

MARY
It's the bill for the flowers.

ALBIE
Five thousand dollars? And this?

MARY
The Photographer.

ALBIE
That's it! One more week of this and we'll be
in the poor house!

MARY
Stop exaggerating.

Albie collects the invoices, rises, then paces.

ALBIE
I can understand a ten thousand dollar wedding
gown. But a coach? Why can't she have a limousine
like every other bride? Who do I look like? Walt Disney?

A young WOMAN rushes into the office CRYING.

WOMAN
There you are, mother.

MARY
What is it, Christine?

CHRISTINE
(sobs)
We...broke...up.

MARY
What happened?

CHRISTINE
He wants to elope. Can you believe it?

ALBIE
It's cheaper.

CHRISTINE
Father!

Mary glares at him as she guides Christine to a chair.

ALBIE
Let me remind you, young lady, that your mother and
I eloped. Look how happily married we are.

CHRISTINE
(between sobs)
You did, didn't you? It is romantic, isn't it?

ROB rushes in.

ROB
Christine, listen to me.

CHRISTINE
I have nothing to say. If you knew better, I
never want to see you again.

Albie skulks out of the office, then rushes through the house into the yard.

EXT. YARD - DAY

As he approaches the GARDENER,

ALBIE
Grab the ladder and place it at THAT window.
Then bring the car around.

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Albie returns to find Rob kneeling before Christine.

ROB
I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy.

Albie notices the ladder swaying to and fro at the window.

ALBIE
Look. A ladder.

MARY
What's it doing there?

Albie grins coyly as he walks seductively towards his wife.

ALBIE
Don't you remember?
(embraces her)
How about we renew our vows.

MARY
(giggling)
Don't be silly, Albie.

Entranced, Christine watches on as Albie extends his arm, Mary wrapping hers around it. She holds Rob's hands.

CHRISTINE
If it was good enough for my parents, it's
good enough for me.

MARY
What?

CHRISTINE
Right now. The four of us.

ALBIE
Why not.

LAUGHING, they crawl through the window and step carefully onto the ladder.
From the garden,

GARDENER
Where are the suitcases?

MARY
And money!

The four step up the ladder and crawl back into the office. All rush out but Albie who sits at his desk, reflecting. Upon their return,

MARY
(excitedly)
I packed for you, dear.

Albie rises.

ALBIE
Rob, a happy wife is a happy life.
Remember that.
(steps to Christine)
My angel, I won't put a price on your
happiness. You have your wedding
with all the bells and whistles. You'll
make me the proudest father in the world.

CHRISTINE
(hugs and kisses Albie)
Daddy, you're the best!

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

MT. OLYMPICS

And the winners are:
Zeus - Donald Sutherland (83%)
Hera - Judy Dench (40%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. ORNATE FOUNTAIN. MT. OLYMPUS - DAY

ZEUS stands facing the fountain; his wife, HERA, sitting on its edge. Zeus waves his hand over the fountain. Images of the Vancouver Olympic Games appear in the water.

ZEUS
Just in time.

HERA
Skiing?

ZEUS
The first downhill run.
(exasperated)
He's holding back.

HERA
There is no better skier than you, my love.

Zeus is fixated on the SKIER as he skis into last place.

ZEUS
Hera, I'll be back for dinner.

HERA
Where are you going?

In a flash, Zeus disappears.


EXT. WHISTLER BLACKCOMB MOUNTAIN. VANCOUVER - DAY

Zeus strides through the crowds, disguised as a spectator. He climbs to the Olympian downhill start house. The skier in last place shivers as an unusual sensation overtakes him.

Shaking off the sensation, he steps forward for his final downhill run. With uncharacteristic aggressiveness and grace, he flies downhill into first place.

Flanked by reporters and fellow skiers, he's stunned by his Gold medal performance.


EXT. WHISTLER MEDALS PLAZA - NIGHT

After the medals ceremony, the MEDIA rush towards him; a sexy JOURNALIST reaching him first.

JOURNALIST
I've never seen anything like your performance!
(grinning)
You were like a god out there.

SKIER
I had some help.

JOURNALIST
From?

SKIER
(as he steps closer)
Shall we talk about it over a quiet, intimate dinner?

JOURNALIST
(sensually)
Sure, but what about your wife?

SKIER
Your beauty rivals her broad mindedness.

JOURNALIST
Zeus, it's Hera.

Zeus whinces. Grinning,

HERA
Who should be your next winner?

ZEUS
(smiling)
He's a ski jumper.
(thumping his chest)
It feels just like Mt. Olympus.


FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

FIDDLE-DEE-DEE - An encore presentation

And the winners are:
SCARLETT - Vivien Leigh (50%)
MAMMY - Tie between Hattie McDaniel and Queen Latifah (50%)
JULIE - Jennifer Aniston (60%)
ASHLEY - Leslie Howard (50%)
RHETT - Clark Gable (66%)

Thank you for voting!


FADE IN:

INT. MANSION. POST-CIVIL WAR ATLANTA, GEORGIA - DAY

SCARLETT escorts her new SUITOR to the front door of her mansion.

SUITOR
Don't leave me on tender hooks, Scarlett.

SCARLETT
Fiddle-dee-dee! I'll give you my answer tomorrow.

As MAMMY appears,

SCARLETT
Good day, Mr. Finnegan.

Upon his departure,

MAMMY
Miss Marsden is waiting in the drawing room.

SCARLETT
Bring in tea and biscuits, Mammy.


INT. DRAWING ROOM - SAME

JULIE MARSDEN is admiring Ashley Wilkes' photo. When Scarlett appears, she sets it back in its rightful place.

SCARLETT
(extending her hand)
It's so very nice to meet you, Miss Marsden.

MISS MARSDEN
Please -- call me Julie.

SCARLETT
Are you planning on building a home here
in Atlanta, Julie? I'm not ashamed to say
I have the finest Georgia pine.

Mammy enters and sets the tray of tea and biscuits down.

JULIE
Frankly, I've come for your advice.

SCARLETT
Advice?

JULIE
What's your secret?

SCARLETT
(perplexed)
Secret?

JULIE
You've been married three times.
(sarcastically)
Seems I'll be an old maid.

SCARLETT
Fiddle-dee-dee, Julie.

JULIE
Fiddle-dee-dee? That's the secret?

Before Scarlett replies, ASHLEY stumbles in.

ASHLEY
There you are, Scarlett. I rushed over to tell you...

He stops abruptly at the sight of Julie.

ASHLEY
Hello.

JULIE
(sensually)
Fiddle-dee-dee.

As she pours herself a cup of tea,

ASHLEY
Let me help you.

Scarlett watches on, aghast.

SCARLETT
(in rapid exchange)
Fiddle-dee-dee.

On cue, Ashley stops pouring to tend to Scarlett.

JULIE
(competitively)
Fiddle-dee-dee, Ashley.

RHETT BUTLER barges in past Mammy.

RHETT
Scarlett, it's just no good. I can't go on without you.

SCARLETT
Rhett!

As Ashley pats Julie's hand,

SCARLETT
Ashley!

RHETT
Once and for all, Scarlett, make up your mind!

SCARLETT
And spoil the fun?

RHETT
(frustrated, turns to Mammy)
Fiddle-dee-dee, Mammy!

MAMMY
(blushing)
Lordy, Mr. Rhett. You is bad!

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

How many references to the film, Gone with the Wind, can you find?

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

JACK AND JILL - An encore presentation

And the winners are:
Jack - Johnny Depp (80%)
Jill - Kate Winslet (80%)
Thank you for voting!


FADE IN:

EXT. FOOT OF HILL - DAY

JACK and JILL climbed up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown...

Lying on the grass, distorted images of trees beneath the sky come into view as Jack slowly regains consciousness.

JILL
Jack, can you hear me?

Gingerly touching his bruised head, Jack sits up.

JACK
What happened?

JILL
You broke your crown again.

JACK
My crown? I do not wear a crown.

Studying his clothing, then feeling his face,

JACK
Where is my mask? And my cape?

JILL
Mask? Cape?

JACK
Have we had the pleasure of meeting, Senorita?

JILL
We've only climbed that hill fetching water for
what seems like an eternity.

JACK
Me? Fetch water?

JILL
Jack...

JACK
And why do you insist on calling me Jack? I am
Don Juan deMarco.

JILL
Who?

As he stands upright,

JACK
The greatest lover in the world.

JILL
(rolls her eyes)
If we don't fetch the water, we'll be sacked. Not
now, of all times.

JACK
My dear Senorita. You must not fret.

JILL
It takes more than love to pay the bills.

JACK
So young and so cynical. Do not underestimate
the power of love. And, it just so happens -- I am
rich.

JILL
And where, prey tell, is the money?

JACK
On the other side of the hill.

JILL
(sighs)
Okay. Let's go.

Jack and Jill climbed up the hill to fetch deMarco's money. Jack fell down and broke his crown...

Moaning, Jack lies in a stupor.

JILL
Jack?
(no response)
Mr. deMarco.

JACK
Who?

JILL
James Bond.

JACK
(thoughtfully)
No.

JILL
Robin Hood.

JACK
No.

Jill takes his hand and guides him over the hill. As they disappear,

JILL (OS)
The King of England.

JACK (OS)
Yes, King George. No, King Edward. No...

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

THE HUNCHBACK OF HOLLYWOOD -- An encore presentation

And the winners are:
Quasimodo (Before) - Danny DeVito (37%)
Quasimodo (After) - Hugh Jackman (37%)
Phoebus - Richard Chamberlain (55%)
Esmeralda - Penelope Cruz (50%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

Ext. Square Outside Notre Dame Cathedral. Medieval Paris - Day

QUASIMODO, Notre Dame's disfigured bell ringer, is sentenced for disturbing the peace and abducting, ESMERALDA, the gypsy dancer. He is shackled to the pillory where he is flogged and exposed for an hour to public disgrace.

Despite the stifling heat, throngs gather to gawk at the Hunchback's demise. His head bowed, Esmeralda looks on, pitying him. Quasimodo slowly raises his head and peers into the crowd.

QUASIMODO
(cries out)
Water.

CROWD
(mimics)
Water.

QUASIMODO
(emphatically)
Water!

CROWD
(laughs)
Water!

All are silenced as Esmeralda walks up the stairs to the pillory and offers the Hunchback water from her pouch. He turns aways, embarrasssed of his ugliness in the light of her beauty.

She patiently allows water to moisten his parched lips. Remembering his thirst, he bends back, mouth opened, and guzzles the remaining water, then collapses.

PHOEBUS, Captain of the King's Archery, rides through the crowd and up to the pillory. He dismounts, joins Esmeralda, then turns to face the people.

PHOEBUS
Have your last stare at this poor creature for he will
no longer be deformed. I, Phoebus de Chateaupers,
will perform a miracle.

When Quasimodo is released, Phoebus escorts him into the cathedral; the crowd on their heels.

INT. NOTRE DAME - DAY

PHOEBUS
(swaggering)
I've been hired, my dear disfigured man, by Nip/Tuck.
It seems they believe I can perform wonders with my
dagger and sword. Let's prove them right, shall we?

Quasimodo blinks, perplexed. After hours of grueling nipping and tucking, Phoebus steps back to admire his accomplishment.

PHOEBUS
Voila! Magnifique! You shall no longer suffer such
humiliation!

EXT. NOTRE DAME - NIGHT

As they walk down the cathedral's steps, the crowd rushes towards them and GASPS.

PHOEBUS
My friends, I give you the new and improved Quasimodo!

Slender, handsome, and erect, Quasimodo steps forward. Esmeralda immediately joins him while the people gape.

QUASIMODO
How can I ever repay you, Phoebus, and Nip/Tuck.
And, here's to my beautiful bride-to-be, Esmeralda.

Turning to her,

PHOEBUS
Marrying Quasimodo?

ESMERALDA
After the prenup, of course!

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

FATHER OF THE BRIDE

FADE IN:

INT. HOME OFFICE - DAY

A MIDDLE-AGED MAN is on the telephone gleaning a sheet of paper in his other hand.

MAN
(irate)
Hold on just a second.

He gathers up another sheet of paper.

MAN
(increasingly ired)
I'll call you right back.

MAN
(bellows)
Mary!

His WIFE rushes in.

MARY
Must you shout so, Albie?

ALBIE
What's this?

MARY
It's the bill for the flowers.

ALBIE
Five thousand dollars? And this?

MARY
The Photographer.

ALBIE
That's it! One more week of this and we'll be
in the poor house!

MARY
Stop exaggerating.

Albie irately collects the invoices, rises, then paces.

ALBIE
I can understand a ten thousand dollar wedding
gown. But a coach? Why can't she have a limousine
like every other bride? Who do I look like? Walt Disney?

A young WOMAN rushes into the office CRYING hysterically.

DAUGHTER
There you are, Mother!

MARY
What's wrong, Christine?

CHRISTINE
(between sobs)
We...broke...up.

MARY
You and Rob broke up?

ALBIE
Wonderful news. I mean...

Mary glares at him as she guides Christine to a chair.

MARY
What happened?

Christine
He wants to elope. Can you believe it?

ALBIE
It's cheaper, that's for sure.

CHRISTINE
Father!

ALBIE
You know your mother and I eloped. And look
how long we've been happily married.

CHRISTINE
You did, didn't you? It's romantic, isn't it?

ROB rushes in.

ROB
Excuse me for barging in like this.

CHRISTINE
I have nothing to say. If you knew better, I
never want to see you again.

Albie skulks out of the office, then rushes through the house into the yard.


EXT. YARD - DAY

As he approaches the GARDENER,

ALBIE
Grab the ladder and place it at that window.
Then bring the car around.

The gardener winks.

ALBIE
Well?

Then turns back into the house.


INT. OFFICE - DAY

Albie returns to find Rob kneeling before Christine.

ROB
I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, my love.

Albie notices the ladder swaying to and fro at the window.

ALBIE
Look. A ladder.

MARY
What's it doing there?

Albie grins coyly as he walks seductively towards Mary.

ALBIE
Don't you remember? How about we renew our vows.

MARY
(blushing)
Quite the romantic, you are.

Entranced, Christine watches on as Albie extends his arm, Mary wrapping hers around it. She jumps up and graps Rob's hand.

CHRISTINE
If it was good enough for my parents, it's
good enough for me!

MARY
What? Now?

CHRISTINE
Yes, now! The four of us!

LAUGHING, they crawl through the window and step carefully onto the ladder. From the garden,

GARDENER
Where are the suitcases?

MARY
And money!

The four step back up the ladder and crawl back into the office. All rush out but Albie who sits at his desk, reflecting.

Upon their return,

MARY
(excitedly)
I packed for you, dear.

Albie rises, then stands before them.

ALBIE
Rob, a happy wife is a happy life.
Remember that.
(hugs Christine)
My angel, I won't put a price on your
happiness. You have your wedding...with
all the bells and whistles. And you'll make
me the proudest father in the world.

Christine
(buries herself in his arms)
Daddy, you're the best!

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

AND HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

JACK AND JILL

And the winners are:
Jack - Johnny Depp (38%)
Jill - Kate Hudson (25%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. FOOT OF HILL - DAY

JACK and JILL climbed up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown...
Lying on the grass, distorted images of trees beneath the sky come into view as Jack slowly opens his eyes.

JILL
Jack, can you hear me?

Gingerly touching his bruised head, Jack sits up.

JACK
What happened?

JILL
You broke your crown again.

JACK
My crown? I do not wear a crown.

Studying his clothing, then feeling his face,

JACK
Where's my mask? And my cape?

JILL
Mask? Cape? That was some fall, Jack.

JACK
Have we had the pleasure of meeting, Senorita?

JILL
Well, we've only climbed that hill fetching water
together for what seems like an eternity.

JACK
Fetch water? Me?

JILL
Jack...

JACK
And why do you insist on calling me Jack? I am
Don Juan deMarco.

JILL
Who?

As he stands upright,

JACK
The greatest lover in the world.

JILL
(rolling her eyes)
If we don't fetch the water, we'll be sacked. Not
now, of all times.

JACK
My dear Senorita. You must not fret.

JILL
It takes more than love to pay the bills.

JACK
So young and so cynical. Do not underestimate
the power of love. And, it just so happens--I am rich.

JILL
And where, prey tell, is the money?

JACK
On the other side of the hill.

JILL
Fine. Let's go.

Jack and Jill climbed up the hill to fetch deMarco's money. Jack fell down and broke his crown... Moaning, Jack lies in a stupor.

JILL
Jack?
(no answer)
Mr. deMarco?

JACK
Who?

JILL
James Bond.

JACK
No.

JILL
Robin Hood.

JACK
No.

Jill guides him over the hill by the hand. As they disappear,

JILL (OS)
The King of England.

JACK (OS)
Yes. Yes. Yes.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

FIDDLE-DEE-DEE

And the winners are:
Scarlett - Angelina Jolie (30%)
Mammy - Queen Latifah (36%)
Julie - Reese Witherspoon (40%)
Ashley - Tie between:
Leslie Howard (30%)
Ashton Kutcher (30%)
Rhett - Tie between:
Rhett Butler (30%)
Josh Brolin (30%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. MANSION. POST-CIVIL WAR ATLANTA, GEORGIA - DAY

SCARLETT escorts her new SUITOR to the front door of her mansion.

SUITOR
Don't leave me on tender hooks, Scarlett.

SCARLETT
Fiddle-dee-dee! I'll give you my answer tomorrow.

As MAMMY appears,

SCARLETT
Good day, Mr. Finnegan.

Upon Mr. Finnegan's departure,

MAMMY
Julie Marsden is waiting in the drawing room.

SCARLETT
Thank you, Mammy. Oh, bring in tea and biscuits.


INT. DRAWING ROOM - SAME

JULIE is fondly studying Ashley Wilkes' photo. When Scarlett appears, she sets it back in its rightful place.

SCARLETT
(extending her hand)
It's a pleasure meeting you, Miss Marsden.

MISS MARSDEN
Please. Call me, Julie.

SCARLETT
Are you planning to build a home here in Atlanta, Julie?
I'm not ashamed to say I have the finest Georgia pine.

Mammy enters and sets the tray of tea and biscuits down.

JULIE
Frankly, I've come for your advice.

SCARLETT
Advice?

JULIE
What's your secret?

SCARLETT
(perplexed)
Secret?

JULIE
You've been married three times.
(on verge of tears)
Seems, I'll be an old maid.

SCARLETT
Fiddle-dee-dee, Julie.

JULIE
Fiddle-dee-dee? That's the secret?

Before Scarlett replies, ASHLEY WILKES stumbles in.

ASHLEY
There you are, Scarlett. I rushed over to tell you...

He stops abruptly at the sight of Julie.

ASHLEY
Hello.

JULIE
(sensually)
Fiddle-dee-dee.

As she pours herself a cup of tea,

ASHLEY
Let me help you.

Scarlett watches on, aghast.

SCARLETT
(in rapid exchange)
Fiddle-dee-dee.

On cue, Ashley stops pouring to tend to Scarlett.

JULIE
(competetively)
Fiddle-dee-dee, Ashley.

He turns to Julie, smiling.

RHETT BUTLER barges in past Mammy.

RHETT
Scarlett, it's just no good. I can't go on without you.

SCARLETT
Rhett!

As Ashley pats Julie's hand,

SCARLETT
Ashley!

RHETT
Once and for all, Scarlett, make up your mind!

SCARLETT
And spoil the fun?

RHETT
(frustrated, turns to Mammy)
Fiddle-dee-dee, Mammy!

MAMMY
(blushing)
Lordy, Mr. Rhett. You is bad!

FADE TO BLACK

HOW MANY REFERENCES TO "GONE WITH THE WIND" HAVE YOU FOUND?
Ten or less? Ten or more?

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

The Hunchback of Hollywood

And the winners are:
Quasimodo (Before) - Tie between Marty Feldman (27%) & Anthony Hopkins (27%)
Qusdimodo (After) - George Clooney (58%)
Esmeralda - Kate Winslet (36%)
Phoebus - Hugh Laurie (33%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. SQUARE OUTSIDE NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL. MEDIEVAL PARIS - DAY

QUASIMODO, Notre Dame's disfigured bell ringer, is sentenced for disturbing the peace and abducting, ESMERALDA, the gypsy. He is shackled to the pillory where he is flogged and exposed for an hour to public disgrace.

Despite the stifling heat, throngs gather to gawk at the Hunchback's demise. His head bowed, Esmeralda looks on, pitying him. Quasimodo slowly raises his head and peers into the crowd.

QUASIMODO
(cries out)
Water.

CROWD
(mimics)
Water.

QUASIMODO
(emphatically)
Water!

CROWD
(laughs)
Water!

All are silenced as Esmeralda walks up the stairs to the pillory and offers the Hunchback water from her pouch. Embarrassed, he turns away in the light of her beauty.

She gently allows water to moisten his parched lips. Remembering his thirst, he bends back, mouth opened, and guzzles the remaining water, then collapses.

PHOEBUS, Captain of the King's Archery, rides through the crowd and up to the pillory. He dismounts, joins Esmeralda, then turns to face the people.

PHOEBUS
Have your last stare at this poor creature for he will no
longer be deformed. I, Phoebus de Chateaupers, will perform
a miracle.

When Quasimodo is released, Phoebus escorts him into the cathedral; the crowd on their heels.

INT. NOTRE DAME - DAY

PHOEBUS
(swaggering)
I've been hired, my dear disfigured friend, by Nip/Tuck.
It seems they believe I can perform wonders with my dagger
and sword. Let's prove them right, shall we?

Quasimodo blinks at him, perplexed. After hours of grueling nipping and tucking, Phoebus steps back to admire his accomplishment.

PHOEBUS
Voila! Magnifique! You shall no longer suffer such humiliation!

EXT. NOTRE DAME - DAY

As they walk down the cathedral's steps, the crowd rushes towards them and GASPS.

PHOEBUS
My friends, I give you the new and improved Quasimodo!

Slender, handsome, and erect, Quasimodo steps forward. Esmeralda joins him at his side as the people gape.

QUASIMODO
How can I ever repay you, Phoebus, and Nip/Tuck.
And thank you, to my beautiful bride-to-be, Esmeralda.

Turning to her,

PHOEBUS
Marrying Quasimodo?

ESMERALDA
After the prenup of course.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/