The Perfect Kiss

And the winners are:
Owen Wilson (37%) as Mike
Luke Wilson (37%) as Harry
Woody Allen (87%) as the Director
Heather Locklear (37%) as Gail
Marisa Tomei (42%) as Christine
Cherize Therone (37%) as Kelly
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. TIMES SQUARE. MANHATTAN - WEEKEND BEFORE NEW YEAR'S EVE

Two male FRIENDS are passing and intrigued by a CROWD consisting of a CAMERA CREW and LIP-LOCKED COUPLES gathered at Times Square.

HARRY and MIKE approach a couple CONVERSING.

HARRY
What's going on?

COUPLE
We're rehearsing our kiss for New Year's Eve.

MIKE
You're what?

COUPLE
For television. We're all participating in the group kiss for New Year's.

MIKE
You rehearse your kiss?

DIRECTOR
Okay, listen up people. Gail, our kissing expert, is
going to give you some tips for that perfect kiss.

Mike and Harry exchange amused glances.

GAIL
Here's a few tips to keep in mind. First, abstain
from kissing until midnight just to make it extra
sweet. Second, keep your lips moist and make
sure you have lots of breath mints on hand.

Mike bursts into LAUGHTER. He abruptly stops when the crowd glares at him.

GAIL
Now this is for the guys. Women enjoy a kiss to
build slowly...to a crescendo if you will. It makes
it much more juicy, fun, and pleasurable.

MIKE
(chuckling)
Remember that, Harry.

Two attractive WOMEN approach them. To Harry,

Christine
Hi. We noticed you were alone and wondered if
you'd be our kissing partners of convenience?

Harry barely gets a word in as Christine smooches him. Dumbfounded, Harry can only stare at her.

MIKE
(laughing)
That was convenient.

Christine's friend, KELLY, grabs Mike's face and kisses him firmly. When she stops, Mike smacks his lips.

MIKE
Would you mind trying that again? For crescendo's
sake.

Stroking his face, Kelly sensually kisses him.

DIRECTOR
Okay. On the count of five people.

COUPLES
Five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year!

On cue, each kisses his or her partner. Mike and Kelly haven't stopped kissing. When they finally come up for air,

MIKE
(dazzled)
How convenient is 2009?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Santa In Training

And the winners are:
Tie between Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet
(28%) as Laurie
Tom Hanks (42%) as Simon
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. LIVING ROOM. HOME - CHRISTMAS EVE

Sitting on a recliner in a sparsely decorated living room, a middle-aged MAN is on the telephone.

MAN
Josh will be here at two o'clock tomorrow?
Okay, then. See you tomorrow, mom. Night.

After hanging up the phone, he rests his head on the back of the recliner and closes his eyes. A CRASHING noise from the unlit fireplace causes him to sit up. A clump of red, fringed with dirt, lands onto the floor.

MAN
Who's there?

Brushing herself off, a WOMAN dressed in a Santa suit glances at him.

WOMAN
I'm so sorry. I'm new at this.

MAN
Stay where you are or I'll call...

WOMAN
Please don't call Santa.

The man stares at her.

WOMAN
You see, I'm a Santa in training. And I might lose my job if...

MAN
You're a Santa in training?

WOMAN
Santa is so busy. He needs all the help he can get.
(self-consciously)
I have your present.
(looking up the chimney)
It seems it's still on your roof.

MAN
I'll get help.

WOMAN
Oh no, no, no. It's my job to deliver it myself.

MAN
What's your name?

Seeing him as an attractive man for the first time,

WOMAN
It's Laurie.

MAN
A pleasure, Laurie. Mine is Simon.

LAURIE
Hi.

SIMON
Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.
Would you care for a glass of wine?

The grandfather clock STRIKES twelve midnight.

LAURIE
I can't. I'm late as it is. I have so many presents to deliver.

SIMON
C'mon, Laurie. We both know there's no such thing as Santa.

LAURIE
(aghast)
No such thing as Santa? I'm getting your present right now.
Maybe then you'll believe me.

Simon shakes his head as the front door SLAMS shut. He hears mumbled CONVERSATION outside his house.

EXT. HOUSE - CHRISTMAS DAY

LAURIE
(to neighbor)
My reindeer are gone! I need to get to the roof!

Simon's NEIGHBOR looks at her queerly.

NEIGHBOR
I'll get a ladder.

When he returns, the neighbor sets a ladder onto the side of the house allowing Laurie to climb to the roof. She searches her sack for Simon's present, then climbs down.

LAURIE
Thank you so very much for your help. Merry Christmas!

As the neighbor walks away with the ladder in bewilderment,

NEIGHBOR
Merry Christmas.

Laurie rushes back into Simon's house.

INT. LIVING ROOM - CHRISTMAS DAY

As she hands him his present,

LAURIE
Merry Christmas, Simon.

As Simon gropes for it, Laurie understands.

LAURIE
(gently)
I'll read it.
(reading its contents aloud)
Merry Christmas, Simon. Enclosed is a check for
the eye surgery. I know it will be a success. Santa.

Digesting the words, he buries his head in his hands. Laurie kneels before him.

LAURIE
If you'd like, I'll go with you.

Simon finds and clasps Laurie's hand.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Those Were the Days

And the winners are:
Tie between Jessica Lange & Goldie Hawn as Cynthia
Jamie Lee Curtis as Susan
Sam Shepard as Jake
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. DINING ROOM. HOME - WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS

With the television on, two female FRIENDS since their days of college in the 1970's, are dining.

SUSAN
Remember the love-ins?

CYNTHIA
How can I forget? That's how I met Jake.

SUSAN
How's it been since the divorce?

CYNTHIA
I miss him, Susan.

Susan nods sympathetically. After a brief silence, a program grabs her attention.

SUSAN
Oh my God. Look what's on.

INSERT TELEVISION PROGRAM:

MICHAEL DOUGLAS
For this entire week, our special guests will be John Lennon
and Yoko Ono. Welcome back, John, Yoko.

SUSAN
Remember the episode where they tried to spread the word
of love by randomly calling people and saying I love you.

CYNTHIA
We were idealistic then.

As she excitedly turns to Cynthia,

SUSAN
Let's do it!

CYNTHIA
Do what?

SUSAN
Make calls and say I love you.

CYNTHIA
It's silly.

SUSAN
It wasn't then.

CYNTHIA
It's different now.

SUSAN
What jaded adults we've become. Well, I say, as adults,
it's up to us to keep that flame of love burning.

CYNTHIA
(shaking her head)
Where is it?

Susan searches for and finds the telephone book. As she sits,

SUSAN
I feel like burning incense and turning on a lava lamp.

While Cynthia lightheartedly rolls her eyes, Susan runs her finger down a list of names, then stops.

SUSAN
Helen Davis.

CYNTHIA
Don't frighten her.

SUSAN
Hello? Is this Helen Davis.

HELEN (O.S.)
Yes?

SUSAN
My name is Susan Turner. I'm calling to say I love you
and if you would spread the love by...
(agape)
She hung up!

CYNTHIA
You know that's all we're going to get.

Cynthia's eyes light up.

SUSAN
What?

After she dials, Cynthia hears a man's HELLO.

CYNTHIA
Jake?

JAKE (O.S.)
Cynthia?

CYNTHIA
(slowly)
I wanted to call to tell you...
(hesitates)
I love you and if you would spread...

JAKE (O.S.)
(laughing)
So, you're watching the old Michael Douglas Show
with John and Yoko too.

CYNTHIA
(smiling)
Susan and I are.

JAKE (O.S.)
Those were the days.

CYNTHIA
I'll never forget them.

JAKE (O.S.)
Nor I, Cyn.

CYNTHIA
Merry Christmas, Jake.

JAKE (O.S.)
Merry Christmas, Cyn.

When she hangs up, she begins to CRY. Susan rises to hug her. The telephone RINGS. They stare at the telephone, then exchange glances. Answering it,

CYNTHIA
Hello?

JAKE (O.S.)
I love you too, Cynthia.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

A Pocket Full of Miracles

And the winners are:
Tie between Cary Grant and Sydney Poitier as the Miracle Man
Spencer Tracy as the Old Man
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. MACY'S DEPARTMENT STORE. MANHATTAN - DAY

On a brisk December day, hurrying Holiday SHOPPERS rush in and out of Macy's. Standing near its entrance is a MAN CALLING OUT to anyone who will listen.

MAN
A pocket full of miracles! Get your miracle here!

PASSERSBY look upon him queerly as he continues to advertise his wares.

MAN
A pocket full of miracles! Get your miracle!

Adjusting his iPod, a teenage BOY stops in curiosity.

TEENAGER
How much?

MAN
It's free.

TEENAGER
(sarcastically)
Nothing's free.

And walks away. Untethered,

MAN
A pocket full of miracles! Get your miracle!

A young COUPLE stops and exchanges glances.

WOMAN
What kind of miracles?

MAN
You name it.

WOMAN
Well, we want to get married, but my boyfriend
can't afford a ring.

As her boyfriend waits skeptically, the man searches for and pulls from his pocket a brilliant engagement ring. He hands it to the woman who excitedly shows it to her boyfriend.

BOYFRIEND
How much does it cost?

MAN
Nothing.

BOYFRIEND
It's a fake. Let's go.

WOMAN
But honey.

As they walk away, she gleans the ring then turns to him appreciatively.

A hunched OLD MAN steps out of the dark and faces the miracle man.

OLD MAN
I bet you don't have anything in your pocket for me.

MM
Try me.

OLD MAN
I remember when I was twenty. I was as strong as
Hercules. Played lots of sports too.

The miracle man listens patiently.

OLD MAN
My wife was my biggest fan. We were high school
sweethearts.

Not saying a word, the man begins walking; the old man in step beside him.

OLD MAN
We were married over fifty years.
(quietly)
She died last year.

MM
I'm very sorry.

As they continue walking together,

OLD MAN
I live around the corner. Would you join me
for dinner?

MM
I'd be honored.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

The Glasses

And the winners are: Hugh Grant (36%) as Buddy; Penelope Cruz (33%) as Marianne; A tie between Paul Giamatti and Vince Vaughn (27% each) as Steve; Estelle Getty (40%) as the Mother; and John Travolta (45%) as Vinnie. Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. BROADWAY THEATER. MANHATTAN - DAY

Hurrying, two MEN leap out of a taxi and rush into a theater.

INT. THEATER - DAY

Minutes into the play, they're escorted in the darkness to their seats; second row orchestra. Excusing themselves past already seated spectators, they flop into their seats.

BUDDY
No!

STEVE
What?

BUDDY
I sat on my glasses.

STEVE
Smart. You're lucky we're close to the stage.

Buddy retrieves a sculpture of twisted frames. With help from the light from the stage, Buddy tries in vain to repair them.

Shaking his head, he shoves the disrepair back into his pocket and observes the blur of an audience. Squinting, his glance falls upon a beautiful woman sitting in the balcony. A bolt of lightening heightens his admiration for this lovely vision.

She turns towards him. Prudently, he waves to her; she returning his overtures with discreet smiles.

BUDDY
Isn't she beautiful?

Steve follows his trance.

STEVE
She's a knockout.

BUDDY
I'm going to introduce myself at intermission.

STEVE
She's with two other people. They could be her
grandmother and father...or husband.

Buddy pays no attention while riveted on his angel and her smiles.

Intermission arrives. Buddy glances up and notices his vision miming to meet her.

BUDDY
Hurry up!

They make their way through the throngs to the refreshments concession where he searches frantically. He feels a gentle tap on his shoulders, then turns to its source; a petite, ELDERLY WOMAN.

WOMAN
(sensually)
Ciao.

BUDDY
(casually)
Hello, ma'am.

Bashfully, the woman turns away, then smiles at him seductively. Buddy blinks at her, puzzled.

Humiliated, her face turns beet red as it contorts into rage. He withdraws at the unexpected transformation. Her SON steps between his mother and Buddy.

VINNIE
You pervert!

And socks him between the eyes causing Buddy to fall backwards onto the floor. The mother hits him continuously with her purse.

MOTHER
Gigolo!

Defending himself from the blows,

BUDDY
What'd I do?!

Suddenly, a young WOMAN appears admonishing Vinnie.

WOMAN
Stupido!

MOTHER
That man is a gigolo!

WOMAN
Mamma! It's an innocent misunderstanding.

MOTHER
Innocent my eye. Let's go, Vinnie.

The daughter leans over Buddy.

MOTHER
(authoritatively)
Marianne.

MARIANNE
I'll be there soon.

As Buddy sits up,

MARIANNE
Are you all right?

He stares at the lovely vision.

BUDDY
You're the woman in the balcony.

MARIANNE
I'm a nurse. Are you hurt?

BUDDY
(feeling his nose)
I don't think it's broken.
(rising)
I'll survive.

MARIANNE
Let's have a look. I don't live far from here.

BUDDY
Really? I mean, sure.

As he walks out of the theater with Marianne,

BUDDY
Today, I'm the l-l-luckiest m-m-man on the f-f-face
of the earth-th-th.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**
http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

And the winners are:
Massasoit - Jay Silverheels (44%)
Luther - Harrison Ford (44%)
Dorah - Sissy Spacek (60%)
Daughter - Kate Winslet (50%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. DINING ROOM. HOME. PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTES - THANKSGIVING DAY

A FAMILY of six is gathered around the dining room table adorned with the cornucopia of Thanksgiving dinner.

The grandfather clock gently CHIMES three o'clock. As the MOTHER glances at anticipant faces,

MOTHER
He'll be here.

FATHER
He's late, Dorah.

DORAH
We won't start without him, Luther.

Furtive glances are exchanged.

LUTHER
(firmly)
He'd be the first to understand.

As Luther begins carving the turkey, Dorah SIGHS. Her DAUGHTER clasps her hand reassuringly.

DAUGHTER
He's been here every Thanksgiving, dad.

The door bell RINGS. Luther stops carving.

GRANDSON
He's here!

He and his sister run out of the dining room and return holding the hands of Native American, MASSASOIT.

All surround him excitedly and guide him to his place at the table.

GRANDDAUGHTER
We saved your chair, Great Sachem.

Massasoit nods, smiling. As he sits, he retrieves the ceremonial pipe, then lights it. He inhales and passes it to Luther who inhales then passes to it to Dorah who lightly inhales and returns it to Massasoit.

After snuffing the pipe, Massasoit sets it adjacent to his place setting. Ritualistically, each extends and holds the other's hand, heads bowed.

DORAH
We give thanks today for Your bounty of food and love.

ALL
(in unison)
Amen.

MASSASOIT
Aho.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

A Rerun of EVE'S GOT MAIL - Through to 11/22 (My Apology: Still playing catch-up!)

FADE IN:

INT. DEN. HOME IN GARDEN OF EDEN - NIGHT

ADAM is reading the newspaper on the sofa while EVE types furiously away at the computer on the desk nearby.

ADAM
Are you still blogging?

EVE
I just have a few more comments to reply.

ADAM
I'm tired, Eve.

EVE
Why don't you go on ahead, my love.
I'll be there in a few minutes.

Adam neatly folds the newspaper and sets it on the end table. Rising,

ADAM
How about some warm milk?

EVE
That would be lovely.

Eve watches Adam disappear into the kitchen, then returns to the computer.

INSERT EXCHANGES BETWEEN EVE AND ABRA ON THE COMPUTER.

EVE
Abra, our relationship is in the Dead Sea!
It's been the same routine for hundreds of years.

ABRA
But, Eve, you're the most revered couple in history.
People worship you.

EVE
(flustered)
I don't want to be revered or worshipped. I just want
Adam to look at me the way he did the day God created us.
Is that too much to ask?

ABRA
All right, let me think.
Have you tried pasties?

EVE
Abra, I invented pasties. Fig leaves. Remember?

ABRA
True. I've got it. A love potion!

EVE
You've got to do better than that...

Eve stops, frozen, as Adam sets the glass of warm milk beside the computer. She manages to press the Escape key without him noticing, then turns to him.

EVE
Thank you, dear.

ADAM
So, all done?

EVE
Wha...? Oh, yes. Yes.

She picks up the glass of milk and sips. A message pops up on the computer screen.

ADAM
Are you feeling all right, Eve?

EVE
Yes, of course.
(laughs nervously)
Why wouldn't I?

ADAM
Because Abra just sent you a message to take Jasmine,
Neroli, Lavender, Myrtle, and Ylang Ylang. Then Tangerine,
Bergamot, and Blood Orange with Zdravetz, Sandalwood,
Nutmeg and Ginger wrapped in Vanilla, Cinnamon and
Cardamon.

Disbelievingly, Eve watches Adam's expression transform. He grins boyishly.

ADAM
Eve, my darling, my love...

Eve turns the computer off then turns to Adam, beaming. She leads him by the hand up the stairs. Under her breath,

EVE
(sighs)
God bless its pentium chip heart.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/