The Glasses

And the winners are: Hugh Grant (36%) as Buddy; Penelope Cruz (33%) as Marianne; A tie between Paul Giamatti and Vince Vaughn (27% each) as Steve; Estelle Getty (40%) as the Mother; and John Travolta (45%) as Vinnie. Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. BROADWAY THEATER. MANHATTAN - DAY

Hurrying, two MEN leap out of a taxi and rush into a theater.

INT. THEATER - DAY

Minutes into the play, they're escorted in the darkness to their seats; second row orchestra. Excusing themselves past already seated spectators, they flop into their seats.

BUDDY
No!

STEVE
What?

BUDDY
I sat on my glasses.

STEVE
Smart. You're lucky we're close to the stage.

Buddy retrieves a sculpture of twisted frames. With help from the light from the stage, Buddy tries in vain to repair them.

Shaking his head, he shoves the disrepair back into his pocket and observes the blur of an audience. Squinting, his glance falls upon a beautiful woman sitting in the balcony. A bolt of lightening heightens his admiration for this lovely vision.

She turns towards him. Prudently, he waves to her; she returning his overtures with discreet smiles.

BUDDY
Isn't she beautiful?

Steve follows his trance.

STEVE
She's a knockout.

BUDDY
I'm going to introduce myself at intermission.

STEVE
She's with two other people. They could be her
grandmother and father...or husband.

Buddy pays no attention while riveted on his angel and her smiles.

Intermission arrives. Buddy glances up and notices his vision miming to meet her.

BUDDY
Hurry up!

They make their way through the throngs to the refreshments concession where he searches frantically. He feels a gentle tap on his shoulders, then turns to its source; a petite, ELDERLY WOMAN.

WOMAN
(sensually)
Ciao.

BUDDY
(casually)
Hello, ma'am.

Bashfully, the woman turns away, then smiles at him seductively. Buddy blinks at her, puzzled.

Humiliated, her face turns beet red as it contorts into rage. He withdraws at the unexpected transformation. Her SON steps between his mother and Buddy.

VINNIE
You pervert!

And socks him between the eyes causing Buddy to fall backwards onto the floor. The mother hits him continuously with her purse.

MOTHER
Gigolo!

Defending himself from the blows,

BUDDY
What'd I do?!

Suddenly, a young WOMAN appears admonishing Vinnie.

WOMAN
Stupido!

MOTHER
That man is a gigolo!

WOMAN
Mamma! It's an innocent misunderstanding.

MOTHER
Innocent my eye. Let's go, Vinnie.

The daughter leans over Buddy.

MOTHER
(authoritatively)
Marianne.

MARIANNE
I'll be there soon.

As Buddy sits up,

MARIANNE
Are you all right?

He stares at the lovely vision.

BUDDY
You're the woman in the balcony.

MARIANNE
I'm a nurse. Are you hurt?

BUDDY
(feeling his nose)
I don't think it's broken.
(rising)
I'll survive.

MARIANNE
Let's have a look. I don't live far from here.

BUDDY
Really? I mean, sure.

As he walks out of the theater with Marianne,

BUDDY
Today, I'm the l-l-luckiest m-m-man on the f-f-face
of the earth-th-th.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**
http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

And the winners are:
Massasoit - Jay Silverheels (44%)
Luther - Harrison Ford (44%)
Dorah - Sissy Spacek (60%)
Daughter - Kate Winslet (50%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. DINING ROOM. HOME. PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTES - THANKSGIVING DAY

A FAMILY of six is gathered around the dining room table adorned with the cornucopia of Thanksgiving dinner.

The grandfather clock gently CHIMES three o'clock. As the MOTHER glances at anticipant faces,

MOTHER
He'll be here.

FATHER
He's late, Dorah.

DORAH
We won't start without him, Luther.

Furtive glances are exchanged.

LUTHER
(firmly)
He'd be the first to understand.

As Luther begins carving the turkey, Dorah SIGHS. Her DAUGHTER clasps her hand reassuringly.

DAUGHTER
He's been here every Thanksgiving, dad.

The door bell RINGS. Luther stops carving.

GRANDSON
He's here!

He and his sister run out of the dining room and return holding the hands of Native American, MASSASOIT.

All surround him excitedly and guide him to his place at the table.

GRANDDAUGHTER
We saved your chair, Great Sachem.

Massasoit nods, smiling. As he sits, he retrieves the ceremonial pipe, then lights it. He inhales and passes it to Luther who inhales then passes to it to Dorah who lightly inhales and returns it to Massasoit.

After snuffing the pipe, Massasoit sets it adjacent to his place setting. Ritualistically, each extends and holds the other's hand, heads bowed.

DORAH
We give thanks today for Your bounty of food and love.

ALL
(in unison)
Amen.

MASSASOIT
Aho.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

A Rerun of EVE'S GOT MAIL - Through to 11/22 (My Apology: Still playing catch-up!)

FADE IN:

INT. DEN. HOME IN GARDEN OF EDEN - NIGHT

ADAM is reading the newspaper on the sofa while EVE types furiously away at the computer on the desk nearby.

ADAM
Are you still blogging?

EVE
I just have a few more comments to reply.

ADAM
I'm tired, Eve.

EVE
Why don't you go on ahead, my love.
I'll be there in a few minutes.

Adam neatly folds the newspaper and sets it on the end table. Rising,

ADAM
How about some warm milk?

EVE
That would be lovely.

Eve watches Adam disappear into the kitchen, then returns to the computer.

INSERT EXCHANGES BETWEEN EVE AND ABRA ON THE COMPUTER.

EVE
Abra, our relationship is in the Dead Sea!
It's been the same routine for hundreds of years.

ABRA
But, Eve, you're the most revered couple in history.
People worship you.

EVE
(flustered)
I don't want to be revered or worshipped. I just want
Adam to look at me the way he did the day God created us.
Is that too much to ask?

ABRA
All right, let me think.
Have you tried pasties?

EVE
Abra, I invented pasties. Fig leaves. Remember?

ABRA
True. I've got it. A love potion!

EVE
You've got to do better than that...

Eve stops, frozen, as Adam sets the glass of warm milk beside the computer. She manages to press the Escape key without him noticing, then turns to him.

EVE
Thank you, dear.

ADAM
So, all done?

EVE
Wha...? Oh, yes. Yes.

She picks up the glass of milk and sips. A message pops up on the computer screen.

ADAM
Are you feeling all right, Eve?

EVE
Yes, of course.
(laughs nervously)
Why wouldn't I?

ADAM
Because Abra just sent you a message to take Jasmine,
Neroli, Lavender, Myrtle, and Ylang Ylang. Then Tangerine,
Bergamot, and Blood Orange with Zdravetz, Sandalwood,
Nutmeg and Ginger wrapped in Vanilla, Cinnamon and
Cardamon.

Disbelievingly, Eve watches Adam's expression transform. He grins boyishly.

ADAM
Eve, my darling, my love...

Eve turns the computer off then turns to Adam, beaming. She leads him by the hand up the stairs. Under her breath,

EVE
(sighs)
God bless its pentium chip heart.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Socko

And the winners are:
Barbara - Judi Dench (36%)
Barbara's Conscience - Whoopi Goldberg (50%)
Ball of Socks Voiceover - Anthony Perkins (41%)
Policeman - Tommy Lee Jones (66%)

FADE IN:

INT. DEN. SUBURBAN HOME - NIGHT

Lying on the sofa, a WOMAN reads a psychological thriller, her cat sleeping at her feet. She puts the book down, eyeing the room suspiciously. The furniture seems to have moved closer towards her. She shudders.

The chimes of the grandfather clock causes her to jump. As she collects herself,

BARBARA
Ten o'clock.

Hand in chin, she absentmindedly talks to the cat.

BARBARA
One piece of chocolate won't hurt my diet.

BARBARA'S CONSCIENCE
Where's your willpower?

BARBARA
Leave me alone! It's only one piece of chocolate!

She gets up and walks into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

She searches every nook and cranny to no avail.

BARBARA
Where are they?

Her eyes widen. She rushes downstairs to the washroom in the basement.

INT. WASHROOM - NIGHT

She flicks the switch. No light.

BARBARA
Why did you have to pick tonight to go out, Jack?

In the dark, she gropes for the flashlight sitting on the shelf with the laundry supplies. With flashlight on, she reaches behind the washer/dryer and pulls out a gold-covered box. Smiling, she hurriedly opens the box and pops a chocolate into her mouth, then another.

BARBARA'S CONSCIENCE
You have no will power.

BARBARA
Shut up!

She suddenly hears a CRASH in the garage.

BARBARA
(calls out)
Jack?

Holding the flashlight close to her, she picks up a crowbar resting at the side of the entrance to the garage. She cautiously opens the garage door. Taking up the entire garage, a giant ball of socks stalks her. She quickly slams the door but her strength is no match for a giant ball of socks.

SOCKS VOICEOVER
We want our mates. We've searched a long, long time.

No longer able to resist its force, it chases her up the stairs to the den.

INT. DEN - NIGHT

She bumps into the sofa, nearly knocking the lamp over. The ball stops dead in its tracks; studying her, breathing heavily. Cautiously, Barbara steps towards the telephone and dials 911.

911
What's the emergency?

BARBARA
A ball of socks is...
I'm at 1099 Elm Street. Please hurry!

It inches closer to her.

CUT TO:

When the POLICE arrive, two force the front door open. As they rush into the den, they note the disturbance. They hear a VOICE upstairs. They climb up the stairs towards Barbara's VOICE in one of the bedrooms.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

The two policemen kick the door in, their guns drawn. Barbara is sitting on the floor pairing socks.

BARBARA
Hello gentlemen. These socks finally found one another.
(addresses socks)
How long has it been?

The policemen glance at one another, perplexed.

BARBARA
Would you care for a chocolate? You see, I have no
willpower.

POLICEMAN
Ma'am. Why don't you come with us?

BARBARA
I didn't mean to! I promise I won't do it again! Jack!

POLICEMAN
Please, ma'am. If you don't make a fuss, I won't handcuff you.

Barbara concedes. Her eyes fall on the golden box.

BARBARA
Do you mind if I take the box of chocolates?

POLICEMAN
Of course not, ma'am.

While sitting in the back seat of the police car,

BARBARA'S CONSCIENCE
I'll show them I have willpower. I won't eat one chocolate.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Going Commercial

And the winners are:
Bill - Ashtun Kutcher (33%)
Victoria - Cameron Diaz (53%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. LIVING ROOM. WISCONSIN HOME - DAY

Wearing a Green Bay Packers' jersey and a pair of jeans while watching television, a Packers' FAN anticipates the football game, swigging a bottle of Milwaukee's Best Light Beer.

BILL
Victoria! The game's about to start!

Just as his WIFE enters the living room, a commercial flashes on the television.

INSERT COMMERCIAL IN QUOTES: "Rembrandt, for a smile you can count on."

Without hesitation, Victoria rushes into the bathroom and brushes her teeth. Bill smiles.

"If it isn't Orville Redenbacher, it isn't popcorn."

She dashes into the kitchen in search of the popcorn maker, fills it to the brim with kernels, then plugs it in.

"Escape the smell of odor with Hefty's scented garbage bags."

At commercial speed, she discards the half-empty kitchen trash and replaces it with a fresh Hefty bag. Bill shakes his head.

The popcorn begins to pop.

"Bounty, the quicker, picker upper."

On cue, Victoria yanks a sheet of Bounty and cleans the kitchen sink.

"Kenmore, life running beautifully."

Just in time, she pulls out the vacuum cleaner as the popcorn maker's lid explodes off; popping corn pinging throughout the kitchen, covering the floor. But she abandons the kitchen to vacuum around Bill's feet. He looks up at her with a forced smile.

"Victoria's Secret Lingerie's sale starts tomorrow."

Bill runs his hand through his hair, as she disappears. He then swigs his beer, and relaxes. Minutes later, Victoria reappears wearing a black negligee. Seating her on his lap,

BILL
(grinning)
Honey, it's not going to work this time.

VICTORIA
No?

Bill shakes his head gently; Victoria sighing.

"Men should act like men, and light beer should taste like beer. Milwaukee's Best Light Beer."

Bill blinks at the bottle of Milwaukee Best Light Beer in his hand. Grabbing Victoria,

BILL
Here's Johnny!

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/