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Saturday, October 10, 2009

COLUMBUS MEETS JACK SPARROW -- An Encore Presentation

And the winners are:
Christopher Columbus - Antonio Banderas (33%)
Jack Sparrow - Johnny Depp (73%)
Davey Jones - Tie between Peter Lorre & Lon Chaney (28%)
Teacher - Reese Witherspoon (35%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS. SANTA MARIA - DAY

In his quarters, CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS furiously makes notes after studying compass readings and maps. His PILOT, Sancho, enters.

SANCHO
You are needed on deck, Capitain.

COLUMBUS
What is it?

SANCHO
A ship is on the horizon.

EXT. DECK. SANTA MARIA - DAY

Studying the ship's black hull and sails,

COLUMBUS
It's Sparrow.

SANCHO
Here? Should we stand ready for battle?

COLUMBUS
No. We'll negotiate.

As the Santa Maria and the Black Pearl grow within hearing distance of each other,

COLUMBUS
What brings you to these parts, Sparrow?

SPARROW
The same as you, Columbus. Spices, silk,
a short cut to the Indies.

The ships are now parallel; Columbus and Sparrow face-to-face.

COLUMBUS
You'll never find it, Sparrow.

SPARROW
No?

Columbus remains steadfast as Sparrow gestures to his pilot who disappears, then
reappears moments later with ISLAND NATIVES and a chest of booty.

COLUMBUS
Where did you find them?

SPARROW
That is for me to know and for you
to find out.

COLUMBUS
Buffoon.

SPARROW
Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Sparrow jumps onto a mast, then down to the steering wheel, speeding ahead.

COLUMBUS
(to Sancho)
Remain on course.

When land is sighted, Columbus' CREW notices a fiery glow and billowing smoke; the Black Pearl uneasy in the water.

COLUMBUS
Get ready to dock.

EXT. ISLAND - NIGHT

The Santa Maria rests adjacent to the Black Pearl. As its crew climbs down, Sparrow and his men are eating fish on leaves, fraternizing with the Natives, and worse for drink.

Columbus steps up to Sparrow who salutes him.

COLUMBUS
Let's get back onboard, Sancho.

Sparrow fumbles to his feet, ordering his men.

SPARROW
Get up you bungling idiots!

The Black Pearl remains on Santa Maria's hull. When Columbus sights land, he jumps overboard, swims to shore, then collapses.

As Sparrow is about to do the same, DAVY JONES emerges from the water.

SPARROW
Not now, Davy.

DAVY
We have lots to talk about, Sparrow.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

A TEACHER stands before a classroom of engrossed ten-year olds.

TEACHER
So children, without Davy Jones' help, Columbus
may not have discovered the Caribbean Islands.

A GIRL raises her hand.

TEACHER
Yes, Jane.

JANE
(sobbing)
But what happened to Johnny Depp?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/


8 comments:

Ron said...

applause...applause...applause!

BRAVA, Petra!

That was BRILLIANT!

Very clever lady, you are!

I love the whole theme/concept of your blog - it's so original!

And Happy Columbus Day to you!

Anonymous said...

If only I had had inventive history teachers like her to make history come alive! Neat job!

David

i beati said...

funny still

Tipper said...

Loved it Petra-anything with Sparrow in it never gets old!

Mama Zen said...

Still love it!

LarryG said...

I love these,
Glad you found the time to do this one - brilliantly done.

Hope everyone is feeling better soon!
Prayers to y'all!

Anonymous said...

Why didn't you ever tell me about this blog, Petra? I just found it on your other blog clicking on the other side of petra michelle.

I love the concept -- the look!

That was such a fun story! I'd be huddled in the corner with Jane crying like a baby over Johnny too!LOL K.

Poetikat said...

You'll have to change that last line for MY version Petra. Insert Errol Flynn, if you will.