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Friday, October 10, 2008

Columbus Meets Captain Jack Sparrow

And the winners are:
Columbus - Tie: Marlon Brando (35%)
Antonio Banderas (35%)
Captain Jack Sparrow - Johnny Depp (80%)
Davy Jones - Peter Lorre (45%)
Teacher - Reese Witherspoon (50%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS. SANTA MARIA - DAY

In his quarters, CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS furiously makes notes after studying compass readings and maps. His pilot, SANCHO RUIZ, enters his quarters.

SANCHO
Sir, you're needed on deck.

COLUMBUS
What is it?

SANCHO
A ship is on the horizon.

EXT. DECK. SANTA MARIA - DAY

Columbus hurries onto the deck. He studies the ship's black hull and sails.

COLUMBUS
It's Sparrow.

SANCHO
Here? Should we stand ready for battle?

COLUMBUS
No, we'll negotiate.

As the Santa Maria and the Black Pearl grow within hearing distance of each other,

COLUMBUS
(shouts)
What brings you to these parts, Sparrow?

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
The same as you, Columbus. Spices, silk, a short cut to the Indies.

The ships are parallel; Columbus and Sparrow face-to-face.

COLUMBUS
You'll never find it, Sparrow.

SPARROW
No?

Columbus remains steadfast as Sparrow gestures to his pilot who disappears, then moments later reappears with Island Natives and a chest of booty.

COLUMBUS
Where did you find them?

SPARROW
That is for me to know and for you to find out.

COLUMBUS
Buffoon!

SPARROW
Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Sparrow jumps onto a mast, then steers the ship; speeding ahead.

COLUMBUS
Remain on course.

When land is sighted, the crew notices a fiery glow with billowing smoke; the Black Pearl uneasy in the water.

COLUMBUS
Get ready to land, Sancho.

EXT. ISLAND - NIGHT

The Santa Maria docks adjacent to the Black Pearl. As its crew climbs down, Sparrow and his men are eating fish on leaves, fraternizing with the natives, and worse for drink.

Columbus steps up to Sparrow who salutes Columbus.

COLUMBUS
Let's get back onboard, Sancho.

Sparrow fumbles to his feet.

SPARROW
Come on you bungling idiots.

The Black Pearl is on Santa Maria's hull. When Columbus sights land, he jumps overboard and swims ashore, collapsing.

As Sparrow is about to do the same, DAVY JONES emerges from the water.

SPARROW
Not now, Davy.

DAVY
We've got lots to talk about, Sparrow.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

A female TEACHER stands before a classroom of engrossed ten-year olds.

TEACHER
So children, without Davy Jones' help, Columbus may not have discovered the Caribbean Islands.

A girl raises her hand.

TEACHER
Yes, Jane.

JANE
(crying)
But what happened to Johnny Depp?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice Segue! I could only pass history when my teacher made it as interesting as you have. Great job!

Rowena said...

Cute ending....kids these days!!

Rowena said...

Oh, and I forgot to add...Sergio is a given being that CC was italian!

DILLY said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Hullo agen!

I voted!
I voted!

But I tikt 'uter' for the role ov Sparrow. Akchewly I think I wud be good in that part. Aaargh! I be bein a pirate I be! See? I eevn speek Pirate. Johnny Depp duzzent. Heez got too menny tenses.

:@)

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

(that delete was me; sorry. My stoopit sister had bin in heer an left herself logd on! Pah!)

Hello Mary Lou said...

So cute!

bulletholes said...

OK- you really needed me on this one! Well, maybe knot (hah) but here goes....
Columbus- Johm McCain
Sancho- Paul Bernanke
Sparrow- Barack obama
Davy Jones- Milton Freidman or Alan Greenspan
Teacher- Mrs. George Bush
Jane- Paris Hilton...no...Chelsea Clinton... no...Jennifer Aniston...hmmm....who was the blonde bombshell died last year...she'd have been perfect.

Mama Zen said...

I can't even imagine any one else as Sparrow besides Johnny Depp!

Tammy said...

That was cool and the ending ROCKED!!!

tipper said...

Petra-you are so inventive. Davey Jones was a total surprise from left field. And the little girl crying over Depp is right on!

i beati said...

I can just hear Johhny

Jay said...

I see I went with the popular choices! I can't imagine anyone else as Sparrow either!

The little girl - that's just what would really happen. Everyone wants to know what happens to Johnny Depp!

LarryG said...

that was cool _ enjoyed it.

Chandini said...

Crisp history, no doubt on that one. Columbus is said to have set out to discover India!

White Rose said...

Heh! Heh! this was great! I can't see anyone else as Sparrow but Johnny Depp. And I have kind of a weird crush on Bill Nighy so I'd keep him too.

morton said...

hmmmmmm.

this is an interesting one...

Beatrice V said...

ha ha ha.. you would actually make a very good fun teacher yourself Petra!