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Friday, October 17, 2008

The Good, The Bad, and the Phantom

And the winners are:
Blondie - Clint Eastwood (38%)
Tuco - Dennis Hopper (38%)
Skeleton Voiceover - Jack Nicholson (41%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. SAD HILL CEMETARY. LATE 1860's - NIGHT

BLONDIE, a subdued bounty hunter, and his partner, TUCO, have been riding for hours in search of gold purportedly buried at Sad Hill Cemetary.

Visibility is blinding in the storm-ridden night; clouds weighing heavily under the stars and over their heads.

BLONDIE
Why don't we set up camp. Here's as good a place as any.

They dismount and gather their sleeping gear from the rear of their horses. Tuco spreads their blankets while Blondie builds the fire. As it grows, it illuminates an encircled cemetary just a few hundred feet away. Tuco's eyes widen at the sight. He grows uncomfortable.

TUCO
Did you hear that?

BLONDIE
Hear what?

TUCO
Listen.

Blondie stops stirring the pan of beans. Nothing.

BLONDIE
(irritated)
Get the bread.

Tuco reaches for his pack, then hears a MOAN.

TUCO
You didn't hear that?

BLONDIE
You're gettin' on my nerves. Go on, eat.

Bolts of lightening flash across the sky causing Tuco more uneasiness as he reaches for his gun.

BLONDIE
If you don't stop, I'll slug you one.

Tuco glares at Blondie, then stands, squinting into the fog. He takes a few steps; disappears. Blondie quickly rises, drawing his gun.

BLONDIE
I said, cut it out.
(silence)
I ain't kiddin'.

It begins to pour.

PHANTOM
He's not coming back.

Blondie turns in every direction, his gun triggered.

BLONDIE
Who's there?

PHANTOM
Your reward.

BLONDIE
Reward?

PHANTOM
I'll give you three clues.

Blondie steps cautiously to his horse as the Phantom's voice grows louder, nearer.

PHANTOM
One. My first name is Arch.
Two. My last name is Stanton.
Three...

Solving the riddle in a flash,

BLONDIE
Where's the gold?

Face-to-face with the skeleton of Arch Stanton,

SKELETON
(laughing)
There is no gold.

At the sight of the skeleton, Blondie retreats.

BLONDIE
What do you want?

SKELETON
(seriously)
A part.

BLONDIE
A part?

SKELETON
(grimaces)
I always wanted to be an actor.

As it throws its arm around Blondie's shoulder,

SKELETON
You think Clint's got anything for me?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**
http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

That Skeleton may not have any meat, but he`s a real Ham!

Hello Mary Lou said...

LOL...GREAT! Thank you for the wonderful comments on my blog.

Mama Zen said...

Didn't see that coming!

Rowena said...

I didn't see that coming either...make no bones about it! :LOL:!!!!

tipper said...

Hilarious! I was all ready for goose bumps-and then got laughter-nice!

archiearchive said...

Vincent Price as the skeleton -

Tammy said...

Bwahahaha!!! OMG I loved it!!!

White Rose said...

Ha, ha loved it! Too funny!

sandyshares said...

oh my how I love Clint Eastwood . He has a new movie with Angelina .did you see??

watched Peyton Place and American Graffitti this weekend. Impressed still by the clothes- the suits - pencil skirts - crispness. I loved Lana Turner- mopre now than then,

Your new do - can't see real well but appealing !!!

LarryG said...

very well done, the humor is pulled off to perfection.
thanks for another terrific time!

bulletholes said...

Blondie....Jason
Tucco- King Aeetes
Skeleton....hmmm...Ray Harryhausen!

Jay said...

I didn't see it coming, either!

I like Bogart for Blondie, Dennis Hopper for Tuco, but I think it has to be Martin Landau for the skellie voiceover!

Chandini said...

Is the skull on the skeleton the one that Hamlet held and philosophised?