House on Haunted Hill?

And the winners are:
Frederick Loren - Vincent Price (50%)
Annabelle Loren - Gwyneth Paltrow (46%)
Butler - John Goodman (53%)
Morticia Addams - Carolyn Jones (46%)
Gomez Addams - John Astin (53%)
Frankenstein - Jack Nicholson (46%)
Count Dracula - Bella Lugosi (66%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

FREDERICK LOREN, and his wife, ANNABELLE, have invited several GUESTS to spend the night in their old mansion situated atop a hill.

EXT. OLD MANSION - NIGHT

Each guest arrives at the desolate mansion in a limousine provided by Mr. Loren and are attended to by his BUTLER.

INT. FOYER. MANSION - NIGHT

BUTLER
Good evening, Sir. Mr. Loren will be with you shortly.

FRANKENSTEIN passes him, GRUNTING.

BUTLER
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Addams.

INT. SITTING ROOM. MANSION - NIGHT

MORTICIA and GOMEZ ADDAMS join Frankenstein who bends over to kiss Morticia's extended hand, then shakes Gomez's hand and offers a cigar.

GOMEZ
What's the old boy up to?

Frankenstein GRUNTS, shaking his head as he lights Gomez's cigar.

MORTICIA
It's all very mysterious, cherie.

As Gomez is about to smother her arm in kisses, the doorbell HOLLERS, distracting him. The threesome's glances follow the butler as he opens the door.

BUTLER
Good evening, Count.

As Gomez steps towards Dracula,

GOMEZ
You're looking well, Count.

DRACULA
Thank you. Where is your beautiful wife?

Gracefully walking towards him,

MORTICIA
Dear Count.

As she extends her hand, Dracula eyes her neck. All are once again distracted by the doorbell.

BUTLER
Good evening, Madam.

ELVIRA embraces Morticia as each air kiss one another.

ELVIRA
Whatever Frederick is up to, it's fabulous to see you all.

DRACULA
You're looking more lovely than ever, my dear.

Dracula salivates as he glances between Elvira's and Morticia's necks.

Looking dashing and stunning, Frederick and Annabelle suddenly appear.

FREDERICK
How gracious of you for coming tonight.

GOMEZ
Don't give it a thought, my friend. But what is the occasion?
You're famous for your tricks, old chap.

FREDERICK
I'm happy to announce Annabelle's birthday.

The group offer her hugs, kisses, and best wishes. As they do, Frederick steps towards the light switch unnoticed, and shuts off the lights.

In the darkness, a SCREAM and a THUMP are heard. Frederick switches the lights on. Dracula's fangs drip with blood.

FREDERICK
What have you done, Count?

He rushes to Annabelle squirming on the floor, her hand covered with blood trying to soothe the bite on her neck.

DRACULA
What you told me to do. To bite Annabelle.

Everyone turns to Frederick questioningly. As he assists Annabelle to her feet and tends to her wound,

FREDERICK
No, no, no, dear Count. I told you to sing to Annabelle.

DRACULA
I do not sing. I bite.

ANNABELLE
(crying)
I am a lady of darkness now.

ELVIRA
I beg your pardon, Annabelle, but I am the lady of darkness.

MORTICIA
Mon ami, you are mistaken for it is I, the lady of darkness.

Once again, the lights go out. A spotlight flashes on Frederick.

FREDERICK
For you, my darling. Happy birthday.

Frankenstein appears on a makeshift stage in a yellow, sequined jacket and black sequined pants holding a cane. As he clumsily dances, he belts out "Puttin on the Ritz." Annabelle thoroughly enjoys his performance, blowing him a kiss.

He nearly stumbles offstage as Morticia and Elvira, dressed as Flappers, sing "All That Jazz," dancing on and around their chair props. Annabelle CLAPS enthusiastically.

Gomez then appears and recites quite eloquently, Edgar Allan Poe's poem, "Annabel Lee."

Last, Dracula appears adorned in a red and black cape.

DRACULA
For this act, I will need your assistance, dearest Annabelle.

Annabelle joins him exuberantly.

DRACULA
With one swoop of my cape, I will make Annabelle disappear.
On the count of three...one, two, three.

Dracula covers Annabelle with his cape and to everyone's delight, Annabelle disappears.

FREDERICK
Bravo, Count!

MORTICIA
But where did she go?

As everyone surrounds Dracula in curious search of Annabelle, he disappears in a ball of smoke. The stunned group blinks at the stain on the floor and exchange concerned glances.

FREDERICK
He has abducted her!

As he rushes to the door,

FREDERICK
I will search high and low. Use all of my resources.
Do anything to find her. If it takes forever!

INT. DINING QUARTERS. SHIP TO TRANSYLVANIA - NIGHT

DRACULA
Are you comfortable, dearest Annabelle?

ANNABELLE
Yes, I am, Count. But where are we going?

DRACULA
Home.

ANNABELLE
(sighs)
There's no place like home.

DIRECTOR
Cut! This is not the Wizard of Oz!

To the director,

ANNABELLE
And this is House on Haunted Hill?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

The Good, The Bad, and the Phantom

And the winners are:
Blondie - Clint Eastwood (38%)
Tuco - Dennis Hopper (38%)
Skeleton Voiceover - Jack Nicholson (41%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. SAD HILL CEMETARY. LATE 1860's - NIGHT

BLONDIE, a subdued bounty hunter, and his partner, TUCO, have been riding for hours in search of gold purportedly buried at Sad Hill Cemetary.

Visibility is blinding in the storm-ridden night; clouds weighing heavily under the stars and over their heads.

BLONDIE
Why don't we set up camp. Here's as good a place as any.

They dismount and gather their sleeping gear from the rear of their horses. Tuco spreads their blankets while Blondie builds the fire. As it grows, it illuminates an encircled cemetary just a few hundred feet away. Tuco's eyes widen at the sight. He grows uncomfortable.

TUCO
Did you hear that?

BLONDIE
Hear what?

TUCO
Listen.

Blondie stops stirring the pan of beans. Nothing.

BLONDIE
(irritated)
Get the bread.

Tuco reaches for his pack, then hears a MOAN.

TUCO
You didn't hear that?

BLONDIE
You're gettin' on my nerves. Go on, eat.

Bolts of lightening flash across the sky causing Tuco more uneasiness as he reaches for his gun.

BLONDIE
If you don't stop, I'll slug you one.

Tuco glares at Blondie, then stands, squinting into the fog. He takes a few steps; disappears. Blondie quickly rises, drawing his gun.

BLONDIE
I said, cut it out.
(silence)
I ain't kiddin'.

It begins to pour.

PHANTOM
He's not coming back.

Blondie turns in every direction, his gun triggered.

BLONDIE
Who's there?

PHANTOM
Your reward.

BLONDIE
Reward?

PHANTOM
I'll give you three clues.

Blondie steps cautiously to his horse as the Phantom's voice grows louder, nearer.

PHANTOM
One. My first name is Arch.
Two. My last name is Stanton.
Three...

Solving the riddle in a flash,

BLONDIE
Where's the gold?

Face-to-face with the skeleton of Arch Stanton,

SKELETON
(laughing)
There is no gold.

At the sight of the skeleton, Blondie retreats.

BLONDIE
What do you want?

SKELETON
(seriously)
A part.

BLONDIE
A part?

SKELETON
(grimaces)
I always wanted to be an actor.

As it throws its arm around Blondie's shoulder,

SKELETON
You think Clint's got anything for me?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**
http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Columbus Meets Captain Jack Sparrow

And the winners are:
Columbus - Tie: Marlon Brando (35%)
Antonio Banderas (35%)
Captain Jack Sparrow - Johnny Depp (80%)
Davy Jones - Peter Lorre (45%)
Teacher - Reese Witherspoon (50%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

INT. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS. SANTA MARIA - DAY

In his quarters, CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS furiously makes notes after studying compass readings and maps. His pilot, SANCHO RUIZ, enters his quarters.

SANCHO
Sir, you're needed on deck.

COLUMBUS
What is it?

SANCHO
A ship is on the horizon.

EXT. DECK. SANTA MARIA - DAY

Columbus hurries onto the deck. He studies the ship's black hull and sails.

COLUMBUS
It's Sparrow.

SANCHO
Here? Should we stand ready for battle?

COLUMBUS
No, we'll negotiate.

As the Santa Maria and the Black Pearl grow within hearing distance of each other,

COLUMBUS
(shouts)
What brings you to these parts, Sparrow?

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
The same as you, Columbus. Spices, silk, a short cut to the Indies.

The ships are parallel; Columbus and Sparrow face-to-face.

COLUMBUS
You'll never find it, Sparrow.

SPARROW
No?

Columbus remains steadfast as Sparrow gestures to his pilot who disappears, then moments later reappears with Island Natives and a chest of booty.

COLUMBUS
Where did you find them?

SPARROW
That is for me to know and for you to find out.

COLUMBUS
Buffoon!

SPARROW
Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Sparrow jumps onto a mast, then steers the ship; speeding ahead.

COLUMBUS
Remain on course.

When land is sighted, the crew notices a fiery glow with billowing smoke; the Black Pearl uneasy in the water.

COLUMBUS
Get ready to land, Sancho.

EXT. ISLAND - NIGHT

The Santa Maria docks adjacent to the Black Pearl. As its crew climbs down, Sparrow and his men are eating fish on leaves, fraternizing with the natives, and worse for drink.

Columbus steps up to Sparrow who salutes Columbus.

COLUMBUS
Let's get back onboard, Sancho.

Sparrow fumbles to his feet.

SPARROW
Come on you bungling idiots.

The Black Pearl is on Santa Maria's hull. When Columbus sights land, he jumps overboard and swims ashore, collapsing.

As Sparrow is about to do the same, DAVY JONES emerges from the water.

SPARROW
Not now, Davy.

DAVY
We've got lots to talk about, Sparrow.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

A female TEACHER stands before a classroom of engrossed ten-year olds.

TEACHER
So children, without Davy Jones' help, Columbus may not have discovered the Caribbean Islands.

A girl raises her hand.

TEACHER
Yes, Jane.

JANE
(crying)
But what happened to Johnny Depp?

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/

Sharing Popcorn with God

And the winners are:
God - James Earl Jones (60%)
Your favorite Paul Newman Film
Three-way tie: The Color of Money (40%)
Somebody Up There Likes Me (40%)
Cool Hand Luke (40%)
Thank you for voting!

FADE IN:

EXT. CLOUD. HEAVEN - DAY

GOD and a male ANGEL are relaxing and sharing a bowl of popcorn; enjoying film images on a row of small clouds before them.

GOD
This is my favorite part.

INSERT IMAGE: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are on their horses jumping off the cliff into a river.

ANGEL
My favorite too.
(reads the cloud guide)
Looks like there's a marathon today.

GOD
What's next?

ANGEL
The Sting.

Engrossed, CRUNCHING popcorn and gun SHOTS break the silence.

ANGEL
They had a full-proof code which helped them get away with the heist.

GOD
Ah.

A sublime sunset engulfs them; they, too absorbed to notice it and the time.

ANGEL
You've seen it all, haven't you?

GOD
Not Hombre.

The Angel smiles.

GOD
The hypocricies and prejudices!

ANGEL
A fair protrait.

As they begin to reveal themselves, the Angel savors the stars' brilliance, then returns to the guide.

ANGEL
There's a few more in the marathon?
Do you have the time?

GOD
I sure could use the day off.
(beams)
Elizabeth Taylor.

ANGEL
A Cat on the Hot Tin Roof.
(turns to God)
Are you sure you should be watching these?

GOD
Are you suggesting I watch PG-13?

ANGEL
(embarrassed)
No, of course not.
(returns to images)
The Verdict!

GOD
I haven't seen it.

ANGEL
It's about a heavy drinking, down-on-his luck lawyer who makes a come back.

GOD
Good for him.
(glancing at the next cloud)
Hud?

ANGEL
The man with the barbed wire soul.

GOD
Hmmm.
(rises)
I see we're out of popcorn. I'll make dinner.

The Angel watches the serene figure admiringly as He carefully prepares their meal. Upon His return,

ANGEL
God, thanks for having given me a such a blessed life.

GOD
I'd say it was the other way around, Paul.
(sits)
What's next?

PAUL
Absence of Malice.

FADE TO BLACK

**written by petra michelle**

http://petramichelle.blogspot.com/